Matt Fallaize

My word, that's really quite something.

*suavely* COYS

ET. Must have been with a friend as all I can recall is someone else's mum apologising to my mum for me still being in floods of tears when I got home.

Once seen, impossible to unsee.

Paradise City in my pants (ahem)

There's an Adam Sandler film about it already in the works.

My dear chap, we have *staff*

Absolute banger

Oh my DAYS

Wordle 1,949 3/6 🟨⬜⬜🟩🟩 ⬜🟩⬜🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME! #COYS

Selling advertising space for a charity calendar. Clocked on day two it was a scam, spent the rest of the week taking the piss, picked my money up on Friday and dialled a premium rate grot line, leaving the phone off the hook, as I left.

Huge if true.

Bridge over the River Trent

All I'm saying is it's a good job Lola Salem never lied about running the odd marathon, or then she WOULD be in trouble.

I'm really lookikg forward to a milieu which isn't predominately Nazis, nonces or Nazi nonces.

Absolute cast-iron rule of menu-writing, if a place feels the need to say that menu items are "proper", "real" or "home-made", that place is shit. Making stuff yourself is the baseline, son. No need to shout about it.

More in hope than expectation... COYS COYS COYS

Make a band meaty Meat Meat Hamifesto

Having grown up in Wales, I can testify that if you are actually worried about your culture and history being under threat, the thing to do is write poetry and songs, perform plays, tell stories and organise festivals, not just sit around whining.

Missed opportunity to put Diane Abbott on the twenty-spot just to watch this twat's head explode.

It's a mad time of year in B&Ms. Hallowe'en and Christmas tat in open warfare. Big tins of Heroes straddling both camps like the appeasing fucks they are.

That fucking Paddington's hanging about.

If Max Halley hadn't already beaten me to it, I'd write a book about sandwiches. The lore is deep. Admittedly, as a working chef, the sandwich I eat most often is pan scrapings in crusts in a rush. It's one reason lamb and celeriac stew is on so often, but curry, scouse, ragu, all fine options.

NEW | A corrective to the obituaries… HERE LIES JEFFREY ARCHER The death of one of Britain’s most infamous liars brings back memories of Monica Coghlan. brokenbottleboy.substack.com/p/here-lies-...

Yes. Also my mum thought it would be a great idea for very small me to watch Plague Dogs just to compound this.

Stunned to learn that Zach Polanski lacks the stones to stand up to his own membership. Whomst etc etc

I mean, these are the daft arseholes who all turned up to rallies with bandages on their ears. Bit much to expect them to have self-respect.

Fucking great day to be Burnham. Tories and Greens have completely lost their minds.

You absolutely don't gotta hand it to Cameron and Osborne, but if the Tories do die then Brexit and austerity are what will have done it, the cheque's just been in the post a while.

Own up Spurs fans, whose alt is an Everton account?

Like to.imagine The Pope going "oh fuck, we've lost *peers over glasses* Spectro?"