Nick Messick

“You’re lecturing me as if I’m a child” My brother in Christ you do not even posses the beautiful and serene innocence of a child’s mind. You are like a dog

Nation’s Quiet, Gangly Kids In Cargo Pants Announce Plans To Be Freakishly Good At Cross Country https://theonion.com/nations-quiet-gangly-kids-in-cargo-pants-announce-plans-to-be-freakishly-good-at-cross-country/

These guys won’t stand up for the daughter of a Republican US Senator and they’ll never stand up for your daughter. But they will send some goon to inspect her crotch.

It is funny that this person thinks “immigrants defended the union while native born whites sought to destroy it in the name of slavery” is an argument against immigrants being Americans. This is precisely the point, nothing about being born here makes you better bsky.app/profile/aphc...

Definitely one of the most alive people going, not deteriorating in the slightest.

i will say lindsey graham being asked by a reporter how mitch mcconnell is doing, answering “i don’t know, i’m going to check right now” and then dying is hilarious

People are far more likely to update their (weakly-held) opinions to match their (strongly-held) identity, than to update their opinions to match reality and their identity to match their new opinions

Looking very awake sir!

I would like Democrats to come out and say that anyone receiving assets from this new slush fund, or profiting any of the other corrupt acts from this candidate, will have 100% of their assets seized the first chance we get. Even if they get pardoned.

virginia voters should call their delegates and senators and demand that they ignore this illegitimate ruling

Yikes! Both of Trump's hands are discolored today and one of them appears bruised as well (Anna Moneymaker/Getty)

the thing dem pols need to internalize is this guy and his entire family will vote republican for the rest of their lives, regardless of the republican party literally ending their livelihood

it’s simple. Dems need to 1. prepare retaliatory gerrymanders in every blue state now that the VRA has been overturned 2. pack the court (and prosecute Thomas/alito) in 2029 I will only even *consider* primary candidates who support both of the above going forward

There is absolutely no way anyone in the administration will understand a joke about the French and Indian War. That’s half the joke.🔥🔥🔥

REP. MARK ALFORD: Comey is a very intelligent man. I would assume he knows what '86' means. When you 86 the order, you kill the order. When you 8647, that is tantamount to saying 'kill the president' KEILAR: When you 86 an order, you don't kill the food ALFORD: It's the same principle

The best indication so far the WHCD Trump shooting wasn't staged? No evidence yet of huge insider bets just before it happened on Polymarket or Kalshi :-)

Here's the initial block list of those who attended the WHCD tonight. Adding names as it becomes clear they were there.

That classic face I make when I’m doing well!

One of the first lessons you learn in listening to startup pitches from people looking for investment is, once the “The total worldwide market is 30 Hojillion Dollars, and if get just 10% of that we’ll…” starts, it’s time to immediately wrap up the presentation and thank them for their time.

Gonna spend the next two years spamming every elected Dem about the concept of "damnatio memoriae." Chisel his name off every inscription. Build over the various Trump Towers like they're Nero's Golden House. Remove him from physical memory, not to forget but as a sign of disrespect to the man.

One thing about Kash Patel eventually being fired is there’s no way to imagine what his face will look like upon hearing the news.

If the Iranians really want to fuck with us they should offer to open the straights in return for Trump’s resignation.

If you're @raskin.house.gov, how tempting is it to do a press hit today where you tell Pam Bondi this isn't goodbye forever, it's just a farewell until he's running House Judiciary next year and has the chance to subpoena her himself

"And truly, President Trump and his lethally kinetic warfighters have a message to the Iranian regime -- don't pull that thang out unless you plan to bang out."

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Screams, ‘Fuck! I’m Dying!’ https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-after-trump-screams-fuck-im-dying/

Imaging dying for your country in a foreign land the same time President of the United States is doing his "Sucking Two Dicks at Once" dance at a rally.

It's been an awful winter, but soon it'll be April! and I'll go to a baseball game and it'll be 50 and gray and damp and the wind will cut through me and I'll be shivering and miserable by the third inning and my hot chocolate will already be cold and I'll think to myself, "this sucks so much ass."

who is going to liberate us from our dictator

Democrats Wear White Flag Pins To SOTU To Indicate Surrender

I wouldn’t inconvenience a single Somali-American for thirty seconds to save every single person in the Trump administration.

Imagine winning an Olympic gold medal in men's hockey and then *immediately* destroying every bit of that coolness by partying with a graspy little dork like Kash Patel.

it doesn't get enough attention that there is clearly something seriously wrong with the president's health and the White House is covering it up

Fingers crossed that he defects

3 hours into her first day of Lent at a Catholic high school has turned my daughter into Martin Luther. 98% of her feelings about any event/location/situation/etc. comes down to how she felt about the food, so for the next 40 days her HS gets a grade of F-.

when you lose Kole Calhoun not even the baseball player just any dude named Kole Calhoun

On NPR on Friday, there was a story of a 4-year-old--an American citizen--who hasn't left her house since early December, not even to play in the yard. And her 8-year-old brother recently stopped going to school, too. Their father is undocumented, and the family doesn't want to risk him being taken.