metricfuture.bsky.social

Cows and clowns compete for resources in their natural habitat. The species' are innately adversarial and their interactions are often violent. Rodeos simply exploit this combative relationship for entertainment.

+++ Edvard Monster Munch! +++ ;-)

All standing pangolins look like Bob Cratchit asking for Christmas day off.

The candy shop door swung open and he strode in. Patrons gasped and clerks hid under the counter. He put a smoke out with the heel of his boot, pulled another from his leather jacket, and gripped it with his yellowed teeth. "Oh my god," a woman whispered, "it's the fifth dentist"

got bass. in pocket. it's mottled. i'm gonna use it.

How do we incentivize people to paint wizards on their vans again I haven’t seen a wizard van in a decade and it feels like we lost something precious Can we offer up a tax credit? Little bags of shrooms? Start a wizard van painting program at vocational schools?

This is actually part of the early selection process. The Vatican initiates The Silly Sacraments (Funny Hat Vetting to the laity) for potential Popes *decades* in advance.

Share if you agree

Screenshot from the end of Mac and Me (1988): a giant speech bubble reading "WE'LL BE BACK" emerging from a pink convertible. This threat remains mercifully unfulfilled.

1 month progress selfie

RIP DOLLEY - dashare.zone ADMIN

How would I get by without AI? If I need a factually-dubious opinion expressed in a cliched manner with unearned confidence, I’ll just talk to a straight white cis man. I can get by on small-batch, locally-sourced, artisanal mansplaining, the way we always used to.

If anyone would like to see a short video of a baby Armadillo having a drink of milk, this is your lucky day.

Furthering my theory that this entire website is for people who owned Doonesbury collections as children and understood about a third of it.

if you're interested in taking up a heterodox position, write an essay entitled "valerie solanas was right," boys. let's see how contrarian you really are

nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach...

every hometown’s got the ominous megastructure, what’s yours?

I’m at the bread and circuses. I’m at the damnatio memoriae. I’m at the combination bread and circuses damnatio memoriae

Can I interest you in a moist owlette as a timeline cleanse? This is Sassafras the Eastern Screech Owl from the Cincinnati Zoo (@cincinnatizoo.bsky.social, but via their FB) and I love him very much. Eastern Screech Owls (Megascops asio) are native to eastern North America.

What a man. A dragon-man.

January 17,200,345 B.C. Evolved into a crab again. Scuttled along the floors of silent seas all morning. Saw Andy in the p.m.. He'd just invented a "wheel" and could speak of nothing else. Didn't even mention my carcinization. I feel like I'm invisible even to close friends.

Pa. court recognizes ‘reproductive autonomy’ as a right, strikes down ban on public funding for abortion www.inquirer.com/news/pennsyl...

irrationally hangry screaming at food for showing up late

Death doula, the mic rula, the old schoola, you want a RIP, I’ll bring it to ya

TGITVATLOST, amirite?

Desperate times call for Desperate Living

Not sure if I ever introduced Bluesky to the terrible autotranslations of Swedish & Norwegian foodstuffs and recipes. Here’s a few of my favourites.

so hot this week the cacti are doing their freak shit

The Museum of Scotland using small children in size comparison info panels is absolutely sending me.

COURTSHIP 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 CONTINUUM 👏

[Werner Herzog voice]

cheese down skin up that's the way I fuck it up