Michele 🇨🇦

‘If it is not right, do not do it. If it is not true, do not say it.’ - Marcus Aurelius

Another impossible beauty standard for women

The royal whiskers

If anyone deserves a public execution, it’s this treasonous little scumbag right here.

If you rake leaves over my grave I'll reach up and grab your ankles. But it's just my little joke; I won't drag you to hell kids, I promise.

Remember, a T-Rex costume is not just for Halloween. It's for doctor's visits, staff meetings, bowling alleys, jury duty, church

Steve is refusing to leave the pub beer garden again.

My friends, can you please offer prayers and send some good energy to the Navajo Nation Reservation and surrounding communities. Pilamaya — thank you 🙏🏾 🪶✨

Never mistake a quiet prairie for an empty one.

the line behind me grows longer as cashier at the grocery store repeats my total over & over while i stare blankly off into space wondering who the first dog to reach the top of mount everest will be.

sons of bibliography

My heart is heavy. Walter Koenig, our Ensign Pavel Chekov, passed away early today. Walter and I met on the bridge of the Enterprise in the 1960s, and we stayed friends for nearly six decades. When Brad and I married in 2008, Walter stood beside us as our best man.

AS IF I DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT

A BIRTHDAY! Today October 26, 2026 is my cat’s third birthday! Happy Birthday Nugget!!!

This is so cool. IG: @jambottlecapart

Maybe we'll get lucky and their AI will turn up the heat and boil these fuckers in their infinity pools.

😅😅😅

My 5 year old is going to be a witch for Halloween. But she doesn't want to wear a hat. No wig, either. The black dress? Too itchy. Oh, and she's not down with green makeup. The only part of the costume she likes is the broom. My 5 year old is going to be a janitor for Halloween.

haha, yes, everyone has a nickname for their grandmas. for example, i call mine ‘my god! what are you doing alive?! you died many years ago!’

I got to see this really interesting, wonderful documentary on the brilliant Bea Arthur today. Thank you filmmaker @dancindanw Find info on IG - beaarthurdoc

“Good morning, my little minions.”

i hope the description of my death doesn’t include the word ‘apocalyptic.’

ME: *through a mouthful of fries* Imagine if Grimace lost weight. They'd have to start calling him Trimace CASHIER: *into walkie talkie* Security! He's back!!

The second you get to the top of the escalator in a crowded place, stop. Don't move just stand, slack jawed and look around while you decide where you want to go next. Don't worry about the crushing masses on the escalator behind you trying to get past you. Those are just NPCs. This is YOUR moment.

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

“Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, Intro to Webcasting.”

me: i think you guys should name your child orson. my ultra-hipster friend whose wife is pregnant: nah, we’re pretty set on unabomber.

The world is terrible but look East every once in awhile

nor does gravity

please say it’s twizzlers please say it’s twizzlers please say it’s t

Seriously, if part of your job is to chase bad guys on foot – there better be a treadmill in your future, not a box of donuts.

Don't let a little rain convince you the sky is falling.

When the sun's high, find some shade. When it's low, find your way home.

A quiet horse don't mean a foolish one.

A little dust never hurt nobody, but a whole lot can hide a hole.