Bereavement office at hospital called. ✅
Funeral director appointment booked. ✅
Details of registration office noted. ✅
That’s plenty for today.
And then in tears cooking bacon for the kids, because dad was only telling me last Tuesday how much he liked the bacon they did at the nursing home.
I’m gonna be offline again for a bit. I’d needed time out because of all the horrific stuff going on here on TERF island. And obviously some more time again.
My dad died this afternoon. Stroke caused a catastrophic bleed on his brain. He never regained consciousness. We were all there with him, all day today. Just being there, and talking. And his breathing changed, and changed and then stopped. And then, he was gone. There, and then not.
So what’s next? Bereavement service, registering the death, arranging the funeral.
I’ve never seen someone die in front of my eyes, and he was my dad. And I loved him, and I will miss him much more than I thought I would.
Talk to your family (if you can). Talk to the people you love - because you really don’t know when that last chat with them will be. And I’m glad I got to properly talk to him one last time.
My dad died this afternoon. Stroke caused a catastrophic bleed on his brain. He never regained consciousness. We were all there with him, all day today. Just being there, and talking. And his breathing changed, and changed and then stopped. And then, he was gone. There, and then not.
And I always had a complicated relationship with my dad, but it’s only been towards the end, with him being so frail, and in and out of hospital and the nursing home that I got to really learn more about him. And I think we’d have had a better relationship if we’d just talked properly years ago.
He’s always been incredibly left-wing and concerned about fairness, social justice, the environment - and got more so as he aged. We could have been a lot closer if I’d not listened to what other family members said - because I think he’d have been an ally.
My dad died this afternoon. Stroke caused a catastrophic bleed on his brain. He never regained consciousness. We were all there with him, all day today. Just being there, and talking. And his breathing changed, and changed and then stopped. And then, he was gone. There, and then not.
I’m glad I got to spend a day with him on Tuesday, taking him out of his nursing home for a drive and lunch. Listening to him talk, both of us lamenting the state of the world but also reminiscing. Even those his body has long since let him down, his mind was always sharp.
I spend more and more of my waking days thinking about how just ending my life will be easier. The hurdle I have is to do it in a way that impacts my children the least (if that is possible). I don’t want to go on living in the UK that we now have, but I don’t want to leave my kids.
One of the common arguments from so called "gender criticals", transphobes, is "what rights are trans people losing". The answer is so many. Just today we have seen in practice that trans people are being excluded from healthcare., to add to public spaces, education etc. It all costs lives.
I REALLY don’t understand why so many people think Andy Burnham is “progressive”.
He hasn’t even been in office for three months and we already have a book ban.
A BOOK BAN.
What comes next…?
I genuinely don’t know how to go on. Everything I’ve ever done I’ve failed on, not least my transition over the last ten years. I’m nowhere near as far along as people who started after me, and there’s things that I just can’t achieve. A nothing meat sack. I’ve failed at everything and so isolated.
The irony that the BBC blurred out the Protect the Dolls slogan on a Strictly contestant’s tshirt for their social accounts as “political” but will happily dedicate a two-part doc to the woman who uses her billions to fund lawsuits to persecute transgender people www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/...
Baba Yaga from Abyssoul (www.abyssoul.com/products/bab...). A joy to paint this model, honestly, and a real learning experience for me.
If you're at SMC this coming weekend, you can find it in the displays in category 11.
A man who speaks out for others, climate and the environment, fairness and affordability in everyday life is vilified in the press and podcasts with a passion while a racist grifter who wants to cut benefits for the poor and taxes for the rich is lauded. www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...
Back to work today after being ill for a while. All I can say is that my job drives me mad and isn’t helping me stay well.
I know I’m a very annoying person on here at the moment - but i genuinely don’t have a single thing in my life that is going okay and everything is making me feel spent.
Zack Polanski is hugely popular with the party membership in a way the previous incumbents were not. Zack is exactly what the party was waiting for - someone with passion, energy abd courage, who can move things forward and engage with ordinary people, especially the young.
And I’m terrified of going to wedding next weekend (despite desperately wanting to) as it’ll be a whole bunch of strangers, plus my family - who loudly deadname me all the time. The wedding is the special day for bride and groom but I know I’ll be made into a pariah to gawp at.
And I want to go there to have a nice time and support my nephew (the groom). But being made to feel like a freak by my family and risk my safety at a venue around other people who are strangers to me - I don’t want that to detract from their day. I hate being trans, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I haven’t painted in well over a week, or done anything for “me” thanks to being unwell, again. These are the times I start to spiral as I have limited energy and doubt myself. I’ll be back to work tomorrow and that’ll be what takes all my energy again.
More than two dozen workers at three major publishing houses—HarperCollins, Simon & Schuster, and Hachette—tell WIRED that LLMs are being used for publicity, cover art, back cover copy, and emails, as some execs push junior staff to champion the tech.
Read the full story: buff.ly/p0ymGmN
We TRIPLED our vote share.
Second best byelection result in Green Party history.
On a date that Labour chose to deliberately clash the same week as our conference.
All with a brand new PM in previously a "safe" seat.
Best response to all the absolute nonsense today?
Join.greenparty.org.uk
Holborn and St Pancras election vote share over last 4 elections. When Labour was at its most Left, they got the highest vote share. It’s almost as though people want a viable alternative to a constant parade of right-wing politics. And yet, the media will destroy any party of hope and change.
Gah - so I’ve learned that Scale75 are also shits using AI to promote their paints (and some pretty sketch Nazi-adjacent stuff). Along with Vallejo, AK, Greenstuff World - there’s very few companies we can look to anymore. Back to GW paints for me it is then.
The same company that doesn't pay artists seems to always find the money to pay this jackass.
If you're still using Spotify... why?
Pretty much every alternative is better in every way.
A fascinating editorial decision from the BBC, to make the headline a scaremongering “AUTISM AND ADHD ARE BEING OVERDIAGNOSED”, and then, four bullet points later, have the author of the report quoted as essentially saying “nah, that’s bullshit, actually”.
The MSM and Labour should just admit they have a boner for neoliberal dogma, transphobia and Judeo supremacist Apartheid states and have done with it. They're so damn transparent.
I notice that everything the press doesn’t like is “social contagion” now, except for the escalating crankery of the press, which is an organisation of a couple of thousand people mostly concentrated in one city, who largely all know each other - one thing that definitely *is* social contagion.