Omniscient Orb of Antlers

dermatologist grimly sipping coffee and thinking goddamnit more skin today

I have one hand in my pocket. Yes it's the hand that was previously holding a roman candle. No I can't show it to you.

It goes like this the 4th not 5th, and Jaws is on, your spirits lift, but you never found that anchor suit now did ya

I hope your underwear doesn't stick to you during the heatwave

You can stick your popsicle in my mouth if you wanna

Sometimes I just miss... Sometimes I just wish... Sometimes I just...

I was filming the lightening bugs and a fox wandered by

There's an article out there by someone who works in AI about how Area X and the Southern Reach is about AI and they can fuck right off.

Someone said I was like if bourgeois had even more letters that aren't pronounced so I asked my status to cry waaah for me and it went on silently until tea time

It's weird for us to think ahead, but when everything ends forever, and then begins again immediately, with every chance for beauty happiness and perfection, are we gonna, you know, wink to not be like that

You already know the secret tunnel and I wanna tell you so bad. Can I at least give you a hint it's only secret because it's an open admirer of trapdoors under piles of shy anonymous love notes

You're the giant Brazilian sloth tunnel of my heart, babe.

All I ever wanted All I ever needed Is here, collecting beetle larvae, on the body farm

My cheese sauce brings all the boys to the yard and I'm like eww get off my lawn

The amount of blocks I've been getting lately has been nothing short of exhilarating

Just entered to win some patio furniture and I'mma need you guys to send me all your thoughts and prayers

You can pour your thick, hot beef gravy in my mouth if you wanna

The wall mice invited me to their movie night

You can call me your little loaded steak and cheese sub if you wanna

You are such a special person

they want the whole world to be a company town

Look, all I'm saying is if some bitch wanted to prick my finger so I could sleep uninterrupted for a few years I wouldn't be all that mad about it

Why did they call it a drawbridge and not a re moat control?

The universe is my favourite stringed instrument.

If a flying saucer says something to get you to go inside so you go inside would you do it, this is how you forget that you did, by replying to make it all about you

I dunno I just thought maybe we could y'know if you wanna

*seductively licks dripped queso off my shirt

My dad was convinced I wasn't his baby because I only had two nipples.

I had that dream again where I took a Viking cruise from Stockholm to Bergen with Ernest Borgnine & Shelley Winters. It did not end well.

mark my words somebody’s gonna pay for my sins

My dad bought a house and put 3 kids through college working at a gnome-run tin mine. He was the big chained up human that turned the wheel to lower the workers down the mineshaft

Honor me with the spare keys to your home. I won't even creep into your room at night to eat your ham and count your sheep.

The road to bed is littered with pillows. You're not going to make it there, but it's okay.

As a kid I never imagined I’d be richer than my dad, older than Batman, and smarter than the President.