smillz-o-lantern

new pfp because our 14 year old drew me and it’s awesome. follow her for commissions @pringlesupreme.bsky.social

jerry jones looks like cotton hill but with shins

"you don't have to post every thought you have" well that is news to me

you’re laughing? her name was lola she was a showgirl and she lost her youth, her tony, and her mind at the copacabana and YOU’RE LAUGHING??

sometimes i’m like “maybe i’m posting too much” then i’m like “nah, i don’t post ENOUGH”

“AI is the most revolutionary technology in human history” AI when you show it a picture of baby poop:

you’re gonna love it when i bust in your mouth - mozzarella sticks

nostalgia's so wild like what do you mean i'm gonna hear a long-forgotten song i spun a lot in my 20s and suddenly feel a dull throbbing ache in every muscle of my body tearing at my soul like a panic attack making me feel as if i'm coming apart and like, it's the spin doctors???

World War One was the pee war. World War Two was the poo one

Taking my crocs out of sport mode so nobody gets pregnant

me: i should take a shower and get dressed also me: *still sitting on the bed two hours later* Have a good Monday, beasties.

(trapped inside The Prism) the vibe here is much better than the other prisms

The Dead Sea died doing what it loved. Scrolling.

[making halloween mashed potatoes] me: *checking empty box* it doesn’t come with the monster?!

Log me out unsafely, daddy

when the weather is goody for a hoody

i would tell you to go to hell but I don’t ever want to see you again

having astigmatism and driving at night feels a lot like being at an edm show

no ice cube, i CAN’T do it. my back hurts.

i touched grass once. it made me itchy so i went back inside and got back online.

(seeing the giant human abacus in 3 Body Problem) does it run DOOM

my airbnb host is making me let it linger before checkout

“IS IT AI?!” i scream as i slice myself a piece of cake

give a clumsy man a fish and he will drop the bass

I wish I could say this was a good skeet but it is downright evil in its intentions

i love how much ottawa hates brady tkachuk

how it feels reading things on the internet lately:

brink caught scamming to fund that sweet aggressive inline skating lifestyle

preparing to troll the whistleblower initiative program

Oh yeah, I got a pineapple upside down cake milkshake to go from the bar. You guys don’t know what you’re missing.

I have it on good authority that Tori Amos was a cornflake girl briefly in 1992

a good soup makes you feel like everything's right in the world. to be clear though, it's not. the soup lies.

i got hypnotized to finish everything i start but it only worked on posting bad skeets

i’m not afraid of a colonoscopy i did pretty good in english class

My Boys are playing like dogshit 🥰

i got hypnotized to finish everything i start but it only worked on pints of ice cream

dang sebastian was a freak singing about kiss D, girl