Rob Sarvis

“Sometimes people do things to you that you can’t do anything about. You just have to survive it and go on.” #MarthaWells #ArtificialCondition #TheMurderbotDiaries #Book2

Frankenberry is the name of the doctor

How about a nice Italian leather sectional? - CAKE decorators.

Breaking into the Halloween candy at midnight may have been a mistake. #SugarRush

@handynan.bsky.social Be careful counting birds.

@jennydoesntknow.bsky.social Don’t believe the mouse.

If you were a bee what kind of bee would you be? Probably a spelling bee. #LateNightThoughts #Insomnia

getting emails that your FICO score has changed are really weird. “Hey Mike the banks have been talking and we are all feel slightly different about you. We thought you should know”

I think my pigs in blankets are really pigs in slankets because the sausage sticks out of two holes in the pastry. #Horsd'oeuvresTalk

I'm developing a go pro type camera for shrimpers. It's called a gone prawn. #MillionDollarIdea

Warning. If I give you a book that I’ve already read, I will expect you to talk about if after you have finished it.

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I can fall asleep in an instant. Except of course when I want to.

*three witches stirring a cauldron behind Arby's* SWEATER WEATHER, BEEF AND CHEDDAR...

A nondenominational church called Build-A-Prayer®️

Coach - "I'm going to the outlet mall today. I'm gonna look like a rich person from three years ago." #NewGirl #Se04Ep06

My latest @newscientist.com cartoon

@jennydoesntknow.bsky.social It’s a private dairy. A dairy for money, and any old cheeses will do. #TinaTurnerBSides

@jennydoesntknow.bsky.social Jenny’s got the cheddar apple snack and the cats got the furrrrrr…

Here's how to check what it thinks about you

RECALL: FDA recalled Jalapeño Avocado Dressing distributed in 12.5 oz bottles & in 1 gallon jugs by Salata Dressings of Houston. Over 1,700 cases were distributed across GA, NC, & TX. It’s Class I level due to possible Salmonella. The FDA warns of “serious adverse consequences or death." #Blues

"Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars" #CaseyKasem #AmericanTop40

@jennydoesntknow.bsky.social These are the Daves I know I know. These are the Daves I know. #EarWorm

Happy Mean Girls Day! for those who observe it. #meangirls

Walmart always sends me emails asking me to post online reviews of the groceries that I ordered. What do they expect? This can of French cut green beans reminds me of that summer that I spent cycling across Provence. The passions ran wild, but pale in comparison to what’s inside this can.

Remember how chill things were in the 80s? People would just let the Fraggles play ya know?

Do not carry a cold beverage in their presence. Politely decline any drinks or sweetmeats they may offer. Keep a plain iron nail in your left trouser pocket and a sachet or paper twist of coarse salt in your right shoe. Enter and leave your chair moving clockwise. Follow up with a thank-you note.

❤️

It's really comin down out there (civilization)

“let’s get one thing straight” - inventor of the level

Capital One: what's in your wallet? Me: old receipts and 47 cents. Stop asking me jfc

@bugfrog.bsky.social Have you started polishing up your snow shovel?

My posts are all created by AI. An Idiot

When something wakes me up from a dead sleep.

This is a bad deal for everyday North Carolinians: the tax amendment would do little to meaningfully lower property tax bills while putting the local services people rely on at risk. Learn more: ncbudget.org/what-95...

This is the best midterm metaphor I've seen.

@jennydoesntknow.bsky.social Look out Tokyo here comes Gorgonzola. #MonsterCheese

Overture, curtains, lights This is it, you'll hit the heights And oh what heights we’ll hit On with the show this is it #MelBlanc #TheBugsBunnyOverture

Johnny Utah - Vaya con dios. Director's Commentary - That's surfer for later tater and/or skater.

No Country Bear Jamboree for Old Men

I'm going to try to include the phrase, "You could warn them... if only you spoke Hovitos" into more conversations. #RaidersOfTheLostArk

When the management company wants me to leave a review for my apartment. youtu.be/X1Hsi-mwuGM?...

Next up on E! Entertainment television. Keeping up with the DoorDashians. #RealityTV

Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.

We will return to our regular scheduled programming after our scheduled 1am sneezing fit.

In the meadow, we can build a snowman and pretend that he is Parson Brown He'll say, "Are you married?" We'll say, "How is that any of your business, we just met. How rude!”

D00rdash suggested that a Lemonade 4 Loko would pair well with breakfast. Have they been talking to my therapist?