saja 🥀🖤

ITS KOREAN LIBERATION DAY! they tried to kill us, take our language, our names, our traditions, our culture. AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS THE WORDS TO 아리랑 YOU FUCKING CUNTS

Friend: you couldn't fight your way out of a paper bag Me: what the hell am I doing in a paper bag?

Perfect headline. No notes

if you think something being "natural" or "plant-based" makes it healthy and something being made in a lab and loaded into a syringe is inherently dangerous, you're an idiot. you should lose access to your kids if you harm them due to this belief www.propublica.org/article/more...

Everyone hates the picture on their license to kill

The most oft-repeated phrase in America : “I’m so sick of his shit”

That night, Donnie was haunted by two ghosts...

i'm not responsible for any ren faire boners

I'm hoping there's nothing sexier than a woman, in "Home of the Whopper" Burger King boxer shorts, eating three day old teriyaki chicken wings over the kitchen sink

It's pretty ballsy of Jolly Ranchers to bank on the fact that you're okay eating a little plastic wrap with your candy

Most people don't know you can exchange a cat for a burger at any Burger King drive-thru.

🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ One milkshake to rule the boys, one milkshake to find them, one milkshake to bring the boys and in my yard to bind them 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

would the gentleman care for a kick in the groin? no charge

I pronounce “marinara” differently depending on who I’m with

I come from the land where the jamooks roam free

Quote of the day: Nicolae Ceaușescu, just months before being overthrown by the Romanian people, spending an inordinate amount of time micromanaging his grandiose vanity building project rather than running the country. archive.org/details/revo...

Never doubt your own happiness I say as I do a backflip into the wood chipper

Never forget the liars who told you and told you that Democratic Socialism would never work. The people that brought you Trump’s pedocracy did everything they could to stop Mamdani.

BREAKING: Charles Manson backs out of the Freedom 250 concert

What’s worse, falling asleep at the wheel or turning on notifications?

One of my biggest causes of anxiety is getting motion-activated faucets in restrooms to work.

yes offense

Yesterday I signed a bill to return 3,400 acres of land to the Fon du Lac Band of Lake Superior Chippewa - a joint effort between the Tribe, the state, and the University of Minnesota.

The has-beens performing at Dear Leader's July celebration of himself would be wise to get their money up front

“He’s a keeper,” I tell myself as I bury him in the back yard.

big fan of whatever is wrong with you

it's morning again. i don't approve

a random cat jumped into my lap. happens all the time 😻

every room is an escape room when i'm in it

they should be considering me for the next 007

what's great about staring at a wall is that if you forget what you're doing, you're still doing it

the high cost of bouncy castles is largely due to inflation