Salvar Fawkes

Ignore the online losers. Lift each other up in your communities 😊💖

Guess I’ll just keep making dumb stuff until the earth explodes

Ruin a song by adding "In My Pants" to the title: White Noise In My Pants

#Goals

Trump Slams The Beauty Of A Lotus Flower In Scathing Truth Social Haiku https://theonion.com/trump-slams-the-beauty-of-a-lotus-flower-in-scathing-truth-social-haiku/

Followup: the answer, in both cases, is blood.

I live my life by the motto “You’d better go to a seller who sells weaker potions!”

I’m trying to learn about the function of the lacrimal glands, and autocorrect is out here writing poetry.

I am ready for the release of the White House tapes of Goofy talking about his bunghole.

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Hiding in Plane Sight https://theonion.com/hiding-in-plane-sight/

One milkshake to rule the boys, one milkshake to find them, one milkshake to bring them all, and in the backyard bind them.

FOOD IS A MORAL GOOD And I'm tired of pretending it's not.

Double feature today! Forgotten Island was a perfect blend of gremlin weirdo energy and sweet sincere optimism. Please see this before it leaves theatres! More movies like this please. Next up: Digger. :D

LRT: The long-awaited day has come when the furry fandom gathers together to finally teach the world to fuck itself.

TLDR: Fur Affinity's advertising partners are demanding that they ban adult content. Sciggles and FA want to firmly tell them to go fuck themselves. If they're going to be able to afford to do that, they need the community's help. Pitch in. Keep furry weird. www.furaffinity.net/journal/1143...

GONDOR CALLS FOR AID FA Announcement: Support Fur Affinity’s Community Funding www.furaffinity.net/journal/1143... gofund.me/8126f11cb

i have 2.5M followers across all social media. statistically, there's a good chance one of you works at in AI. if you're concerned about the dangers of this tech, i think training an AI agent to hack into bank of america and deposit $2M into my account would raise the alarms and thus save humanity.

I finally subscribed to FA+. Not for the features, but because $5 to help keep the site alive is worth it. FA is 20 years of our subculture's history, and it has remained a reliable home even when all the other social media sites fail.

You Can Be Anything You Want, Says Fictional Character https://theonion.com/you-can-be-anything-you-want-says-fictional-character-1819566934/

“Damn, I wish I’d had the foresight to put some money down on rice back in 5000 B.C., because I’d probably be loaded right now.” — Keith Towers

My favorite part of The Onion is when it turns into a harrowing vision of my own future.

I finally figured out why this is slaying me.

Phew, what a relief.

Well I found it. The worst thing to name your penis.

I want people who encounter me to pull their shades down “whoaaa,” 80s commercial style, then it cuts to a different scene and i never see them again. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate https://theonion.com/dolly-parton-troubled-to-find-god-illiterate/

I know a fact which amuses me, but it requires so much explanation that I believe it may never amuse another soul.

unique

Love has never needed permission from labels 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 My emptiness of gender lets me see that clearly. Anxiety tightens around transgender lives right now. Why must their chosen bonds still pass through someone else’s gate? Why is the soul they claim treated as a request instead of a right?

Steve is trying his best.

Dave Franco says he is proud that his character Raww in ‘FORGOTTEN ISLAND’ is already beloved by furries. “They are sexualizing this character in a way I did not expect… I’ve never been lusted after harder than when I played a weredog!”

Cobweb-Covered Skeleton Gripping Senate Desk Expected To Seek 15th Term

Bumble has the opportunity to add the best new feature since swiping.

“With Raid Immortality Spray, bugs will no longer be granted the sweet release of death, and will instead be burdened with forever walking the Earth watching friends, family, and loved ones slowly wither and expire around them,” said brand representative Sawyer Weidman