Jennifreddy Glove Hewitt

The guy who wrote Weekend at Bernies died. I'm told his last words were "Dont do it, please. You gotta promise me you wont do it. You know what. Promise me."

Watching all of The Fuccons. Teacher Bob's mom hello

these are automated processes. they're not little guys or whatever. this is putting a brick on the gas pedal of a semi and hoping it drives somewhere and comes back with a trailer full of gold bullion for you. this is criminal behavior

Fuckin hell people are posting about the bioware they played in their youth but to me I'm like wait didnt that just come out? Aaagh time whyyy

me and the fellas headin' down to the old quarry to hear all about the new guy the president hates

Why did this dumbass app unfollow my best friend, like how does that happen. What part of AI nonsense is like "also it should randomly unfollow people"

little did we know that "Official Xbox Magazine Declares Xbox Awesome" would set the tone for the rest of our lives

the first time some peasants pulled a nobleman off his horse and killed him, the whole battlefield must have gone insane

Receiving another reprimand at the MOD Pizza for writing "Mike's Clean Honey" on bottles of orange dish soap

When your dentist asks who played Phil Fish in Barney Miller

Discovered something interesting just now going through Anthropic's financials- apparently you can use multiple slurp juices on a single investor

Imagine my surprise when I realized this wasnt about my favorite bluesman, Blind Woody Haters

Yoir dumbest cousin: "Hell yeah time to pick a username that really represents me- that's right: TheReaper. Taken?! How can this be??!"

I dont understand the type of person who not only would think that "celticdragon" would be available, but that would then also feel satisfied to be "celticdragon1" once it's revealed to be taken. Like not "Celtic Green Dragon" or "Gold Celtic Dragon" just username1.

I have played so much Horde Siege that my eyes are forcing me to stop. "Please get glasses" they say but I'm like NO. My squad of total strangers needs my Torque Bow skills

I got a call from the city clerk that my ballot can't be accepted because the signature doesnt match the one on file. Yes it does wtf

if you trust anything other than your own blocklist you are a sucker

He just fuck a lot.

Horde Seige is a lot of fun. Wish extraction was optional though; it's fun to help out other teams when possible, but I guess if it was optional every game would turn into a 3 team affair.

Inviting Sharon Horgan to Risa in the hopes of sharin' horga'hn

i am honestly just so sick of everything being run by the biggest fucking losers in the history of time

Is there an app that does what Seagate Seatools does (drive info, testing, etc) that doesnt suck shit?

of american life. the same indignities you and i have had to endure all our lives. they broke him. they made him a nazi who is married to a person of color. a man who, as a matter of public policy, hates his own children. he is one of the weakest creatures you will ever lay eyes on. finish him

this is how you have to treat these guys. with genuine contempt. your genuine contempt makes their smarmy fake contempt look weak and inauthentic. it immediately exposes their game. these guys are just losers who have sworn revenge for every humiliation. humiliate them again

**tenderly lowering my bride into a basin of milk and dropping banana slices on her**

I have some sort of labral tear or potential separation, likely from the way I pull my leg into the car due to the narrow parking spaces where I live making it so I cant open the door all the way. 😔

No joke. I think this is the most important video I have ever seen about mobile games. This guy breaks down how this game psychologically profiles you, and makes the game harder or easier in order to show you ads

Look I dont know why this image I am being shown everywhere is important. You're telling me the shithead who surrounds himself with shitty blonde women is sitting in a vehicle with two indistinguishable shitty blonde women? Hang on let me clear my schedule, this clearly needs my full attention.

I am entirely serious when I say that this should be seen as a moderate position. It specifically and surgically dismantles institutions that did not exist pre-9/11 and assigns their functions much as they were assigned pre-9/11.

"Drafts?" Oh you mean Coward's Posts?

This is what every cop in America looks like.

I regret to inform everyone who enjoyed Lanterns that I also really enjoyed it, which means there's probably already some asshole conspiring against it to make it so we never get any more of it, surely.

oh shit, Kai Proctor Sinestro

The thing that animates us both is process. Buying a car is less interesting than bringing one back to life. The soul of a hobby is care, not the object at the end, and there’s a lot about enthusiast culture that’s simply obsessed with the result.

They’re live-streaming the execution of the person they think they can get away with doing that to first. It’s a test. If they can do that, they’ll expand the margins of permission.

🎶 I keep forgettin that Bigfoot lives round these parts. I keep forgettin that he walks on 2 feet like a man 🎶

Today's Momism: (looking at back of ballot envelope) "That's a terrible signature. I wish you had a real name. Like the one I gave you."