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how do you know that they don't have it and alraedy working on their escape plan? You know, "thanks for all the fish" and all that?

CNC porn searches would skyrocket.

No, no we don’t. Have you ever heard a dolphin swearing and calling you the most vulgar names for 40 minutes straight? Dolphins are assholes. (Read “Starter Villain” for supporting documentation)

Absolutely. Some orcas are wearing hats again.

If they discover Posadism it's over for us.

They can already say HTTP.

I hear most dolphins are just a bunch of little perverts.

Giving dolphins some nueralink shit so they can post cat gifs online

I don't think we'd survive cetacean tiktok

Yes, most definitely! Have you ever read “Startide Rising”?

No, I once pissed off a dolphin, I want this to be a safe space, don't let them in.🥺😬🤗

Not so fun fact: Dolphins are notoriously “rapey”. I bet they would search for how to capture humans 🥲

Yes!

I agree

I send psychic messages from them sometimes. I'm POSEIDON. I have a dolphin bastard son...

or maybe... they have already done that and thought better of it...

They'd just use it for cute cat fish pictures ... and no porn whatsoever 😂

You're not wrong. Packs of young dolphin males have been observed to harass and gang-rape females. Never thought I was gonna say it but let's wait for them to invent cops and lawyers.

Bold idea, but let’s start by teaching them to stop playing with plastic first.

Octopi would be cool, too. I bet they'd be good at games.

Same. AND its a bonus action! Coupled with the extra attacks, circle moon druids have insane damage output

they would own us immediately

And whales 🐋

No way, every study into how dolphins communicate, think, and interact with each other makes me realize they’re just angry old guys in fish costumes.

Look up what dolphins do to each other and people; it’s horrifying.

Seaquest DSV did it back in the 90's youtu.be/HLZ716Tj5Lc

How long before they all join qanon?

Stat!

That would cause a splash

No… cephalopods.

"Thanks for all the fish"

This I can get behind. Dolphins are not nice people.

Fishnet

Dolphins are too smart, they know to stay away from the net.

So you want them as screwed up as we are? Imagine a bunch of Blue Check Dolphins complaining about how Orcas bully their way around the ocean, bunch of thugs... /s

I think I would be down with this.

With all the Elon is........Neuralink-enhanced dolphins???

I feel like they’d be into porn and gambling.

If we do this, and they use that knowledge to dominate humanity, I'd like to create a record of me writing: "Let me be the first to welcome our new dolphin overlords!"

That sounds like something a dolphin would say

Been saying this

Back in the days of dial up it kind of sounded that way.

And quickly. It's our only hope.

try giving them lsd again

Considering dolphins can train people to stand on the very edge of a pool and throw them fish, I'm all for it.

And elephants

I imagine this will just produce the same results as the dolphin LSD experiment did and that got really really really weird....

I'm afraid they're already among us

Didn't Douglas Adams give us some clues there?

no. they'll joke about sa

Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

this has Treehouse of Horror XI written all over...

The webbed lining inside our bathing suites?

They opened up 2 under water cables recently.

Why?

Flipper here. Join my podcast The Orca Within You: Embracing and taming your dark side.

It’s been done and there’s a movie to prove it

And the nuclear codes.

Hear hear!

Given long enough, people will always reinvent seaQuest DSV without realizing it.

More like - dolphins need to figure out how to give us access to the dolphinet

Yes, please.

They're the only species besides humans that make whoopie for fun, so I think I know what they would be searching up...lol

Or give us access to dolphins minds.

Never meet your heroes, dolphins are evil

they'd use it for the wrong porpoises.

Social media without dolphins is just a human echo chamber!

You could ask @davidbrin.bsky.social about Uplifting them!

the miami dolphins? or real dolphins? bc just build submersible UI for dolphins that capture their sounds, runs a connection to a satellite-connected buoy that sends the signal to a dolphin LLM & receives responses then we can send back responses, run through that LLM, reversed dolphins.bsky...

then they could research “flipper: american icon or average dolphin?” and the like

b-but they are scary :((

If you’ve ever been in earshot of dolphins you’d know they’re all trying to connect via dial up

We better find out how to get access to dolphins’ Internet.

1st post: “So long and thanks for all the fish.”

From what I know about dolphins, their FlipperNet would be downright unhinged

I believe they would be the biggest trolls

Startide Rising is a great playbook

We did back in the 1990s; that was what all those whistles were about when you booted up your computer using DialUp 🙃

Working on it

bestie, dolphins are assholes (i second this idea)

Why? They’ll just go all North Korea and get addicted to porn

Bad idea. #scalzi #StarterVillain @scalzi.com

Also those salmon-wearing orcas.

I’m 100% serious when I say we could (and should) be using AI to learn to speak to dolphins

Fuck them they’re bullies

if dolphins had internet access there'd be snuff films of them eating other animals

I've got a feeling that if we did the entire Internet would sound like the worst version of a CoD lobby.

They’re 100% X users, dolphins are pure evil

Haven’t we done enough…?

i'm working on it

imagined dolphins grooming other dolphins on Discord

Poor Arthur wouldn't even get the engraved crystal bowl...

I know, right?!?!