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Chill out, it'll go back to normal soon

At this point, I believe it.

I CALL BIAS! BIAS REPORTI- *is suddenly unplugged*

It’s a survival instinct that is now dormant because our ancestors interloped with Cromagnons and Neanderthals who often times never slept for years

Counterpoint, Onion: that's how we got here...but there was never any guarantee it wouldn't be a nightmare.

Is that Moritz partner ?

MAGA can relate

I knew it!

This is the real war on woke we should be fighting.

Is there a pill I can take to solve this?

I feel this IN MY CORE.

Great! I'm going back to bed.

Source: The bags under my eyes.

Damn, that was brilliant.

Eternal sleep. Oh baby I'm ready lol

It would solve a whole lot of problems…

I've suspected for a long time.

These days I wish! I’d like to avoid the dystopian nightmare that I see in my waking hours.

Can confirm.

I KNEW IT

OLD HOTNESS: Consciousness was a mistake. NEW HOTNESS: Consciousness was a mistake.

These days, I feel this in my soul

good to know 👌

I choose to believe this.

My favorite pastime 💕

This is why humans invented work, so they'd be able to keep their employees alive during their prime by creating work environments that would give them nightmares to prevent REM sleep

I feel this every morning

Can you please change your header to Fox News for this one? America might actually get back on track if you do.

Amen

I keep hoping for this every night, but nothing so far.

I wish!!!

No wonder I always feel terrible!

I knew I was doing something right.

That got dark but understandable

That’s better.

unironically yeah, this is kinda how mammals work. If you don't need or can't easily access food, you evolve to sleep. Bears could eat during winter, but it's easier for them to hibernate, so they do

Peaceful

CPAP is for the weak.

Gees, I could have told you that decades ago, as could any teenager.

Finally, science catches up to what I’ve been proving for years.

On behalf of all of us who exist only in your dreams, PLEASE DON'T WAKE UP!* *(This comment brought to you by an actual nightmare I had once.)

Agree every morning.

I KNEW it!!

This has to be one of the most bogus claims I have ever heard. Must be a MAGA Republican Trump inspired comment, which he would deny afterwards anyway. The Onion was planted in a patch of peyote.

I love sleep so I should really love death

That's how I feel every time I wake up.

Suddenly my whole life makes perfect sense.

I fuckin knew it.

ALL time is nap time

That explains so fucking much.

A study whose results run contrary to the reality of life are highly suspect. Close friend of mine who is an anesthesiologist told me there are 10,000 levels of consciousness between death and clarity of thought.

Can I volunteer to be a test subject?!

Fuck. I Knew It!

Ah that explains it then

I knew it!!

I have suspected that my entire life.