Post

"The Onion" tellin em how it is since 1866!

no.

“I was your friend all along”

Never gonna happen

ether'd 🔥

Yikes! Elon may climb into his spaceship and soar to Mars all alone 😢

I mean they were also drug addled sexually incontinent losers the last time. they just had great PR and Hugo boss designing their uniforms.

You need to earn those likes

gofund.me/1a1b06db

Maybe if we all act like a distant father he’ll redustribute his wealth

In the style of

no

"Elon" the musical! An entire new PR makeover.

absolutely, and he wants desperately to pretend it's otherwise. I love that the Arabs troll him for this so bad and he falls for it every time. he is dazzled by their wealth and feels included finally. and they are laughing at him the whole time.

Hard pass.

Yeah, well, watch out you don’t ’un-alive’ yourself like Epstein…

😂😂😂

I will offer a glowing eulogy at your funeral. “Glowing” - as “illuminated by the eternal flames of Hell”.

The USA is the biggest fucking joke on planet earth right now. Just a damn embarrassment. One big stinking shitshow. If I had the $$$ I would get the hell over to Europe & stay there.

How about a compromise? We like your money. Feel free to send. 😁

Grow up!

That article made me feel worse for the guy than anyone actually could have... I still fk hate him tho

After this cat fight with Trump maybe he should offer Miami dick jobs or lifetime hair club memberships for Men? 🤷‍♂️ So he can repair his reputation with the Maga Toads.

Maybe protect Americans not idiots. And musk you are the fall guy so Republicans do not have to blame the felon for any of his wrongdoing. You have always been his fall guy. Everyone hates you for everything he did. They're too dumb to blame him.

Nope. Return him to South Africa penniless. That or penniless to CECOT, so he can't bribe the dictator's prison goons.

And Dan Wootton thinks it's Megan Markle with this problem... 😋

Nope!

OK!!!

We should convince him if he rights enough of his wrongs we might be willing to associate with him again

Every year 3 million children and 6 million adults die from malnutrition and starvation. That doesn’t include the millions that die from lack of proper healthcare. It’s unconscionable to have billionaires while literal children starve. Until they want to help humanity, they are parasites IMO.

I’m very likable in a very likable way (sniff)

🎶BUT IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES🎶

Despite the unfortunate issues with Tesla stock, the company released the logo for its new offering: The Tesla Tank

Who will win?

Hard pass

At first glance I read this as Please Be Like Me. The answer is still F no!

From the first sentence, hilarious.

Everyone loves a good singer Elon. I’ll get my guitar.

evergreen

Please clap.

was this really first published in 2022?? Has he really been like this for this long omg

Point/Counterpoint: No.

Unlikeable

The how much do I love me essay.

Poor Elon. Nobody likes him. Well, maybe now that tRump is done with him, Elon can buy himself a new friend.

No thanks

Like me. Buy my cars...

No

scream-laughter!

Ummmm. No.

So empathy turns out not to be such a bad thing after all, eh Elon?

“Please accept me socially. I am rich.”

Give up your emeralds, and the ketamine, and then we'll talk. If you still can at that point

👍😂🤣

Huge personal-values pivot in the second sentence

No.

Nah. Have the life you deserve for killing tens of thousands of people and corrupting the American experiment.

That fucking dude… fuckyouelonmuskyoulittlefuckingtwat.com

Pure Gold!

"If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." But yeah, never going to happen. We'd sooner see a camel go through the eye of a needle.

Never gonna happen, Elmo.

"The court battle will persist as Musk fights to continue his decades-long refusal to pay alimony." bluffpost.substack.com/p/court-gran...

"Some believe Trump may have gotten in bed with Peter Thiel before his relationship with Musk was officially over, hinting that Trump decided to leave Musk for a younger tech oligarch." www.instagram.com/p/DKim_0-guIY/

Get help!

Buddy, this looks like a 10 year old child posting on facebook after having a fight with his best friend. YOU CANNOT BE A FUNCTIONING ADULT!

No.

Not satire, but I still think it's funny. Richest man on earth, biggest loser too

No. I can't. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please don't stop talking.

Every Elon post ever

Not a problem, dude! You should be able to live real comfortable for the rest of your life on a million dollars and that works out just right because the cost of my 'friendship' is only the rest.

Written in 2022 and somehow still relevant 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Elon lost his boyfriend now is pleading for attention

Poor lil guy, what a sad little man. Just constantly getting beaten down

No. You look like you smell.

NO

Nope UR the biggest thief in history of world, sociopath, & narcissistic ketamine-dependent POS!

No

I'm just not a fan of drug addicts who think they can throw their weight around...nor am I a fan of malignant narcissists.

🤣

Nazi Salute.

Sad but accurate

💥 Billionaire Wars: Memes, Power, and Presidential Pettiness 💥https://open.substack.com/pub/topicnomad/p/billionaire-bloodsport-elon-musk?r=53iokk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

If you wanna be liked, do likeable things. Shouldn't be so hard for a billionaire.

I think he’s eyeing one

Remember these faces businesses.

🤣🤣🤣

www.kabiraugandasafaris.com/east-africa-... The Affordable Luxury East Africa safaris provide many animal experiences, including the Great Migration in Serengeti National Park and gorilla trekking in Uganda and Rwanda.

Please be a decent human being. Do that first. You won't. So I won't like you. And that's me being polite.

I like to cut funds on the American poor....to give me a tax break, so I can have more....I'm an asshole, hey hey ho ho..I'm an asshole...

This is a bridge too far even for The Onion. Just kidding, I still love yall.

correct me if i'm wrong but didn't Trump like do the Elon Government Subsidies thing

Of course Biden should’ve canceled Elon….. geeeze. Trump is a dumb shit

Stopped clock and all that

We'll let Stephen Miller's wife like you. K?

No.

America the lesson is screaming in our faces. Wealth isn't the answer to contentment and happiness.

Very hard pass…🤣

But not for my money

Give me a couple more million and we’ll talk😂

No