Post

Not even parody just a recap of today’s discourse.

Banger

Some of your finest work. Could your owner also buy The Atlantic?

once again the onion is forced to report the news

I could use some guidance on safe language to use so as to not upset the 'f*ck your feelings" folks

You're basically just an actual newspaper now. Please keep up the good work.

✊👏👏✊

IKR, right?!!!!! This isn't even satire - it's exactly what some Dem "leaders" & their rank-and-file are saying. 🤦

I’ll just leave this here:

I hate when the onion prints facts.

bsky.app/profile/toma...

i thought the onion was supposed to be satire

I miss the days when we immediately knew what was satire.

This is just literally the news now, but reported in clearer language.

Tump's going to do it anyway, so why give him an excuse by resisting?

This has been my life today😭

Good lord we fell all the way into the timeline where The Onion is the only journalistic outfit posting the plain truth

A bit awkward wording

Thanks @democrats.org, history will remember your brave lack of opposition, perhaps with bronze statues of the sternly worded letters you drafted

Do not react to the Trump baiting tactics by trying to prevent ICE from abducting people in broad daylight.

Silly man, Catholic priests don’t get arrested, they just get reassigned to another parish.

There was a livestream of "rioting" that was literally just a bunch of cops waiting around while you listened to birdsong in the background. Back in my day you at least had to show up to be called a rioter!

Trump hasn't come after the Onion - yet.

He won't hit us if we don't provoke him!

Half the posts on this site at this very moment...

Stay peaceful,keep those phones recording, attack his ego, he'll go bat shit crazy.

I'm just going to plop this in the replies of any centrist asswipe bitching about Mexican flags at demonstrations.

Perfection.

This isn't satire

So many millions of times this. The Onion: Once again light years ahead of talking heads and pundits.

The Onion continues to have the most consistently accurate reporting. Such is our timeline.

Now that’s funny. I’ll shut up now. 🥸

Why real news? 😭

@adamkinzinger.bsky.social

bsky.app/profile/chas...

It's true, and you should say it, but I wish I didn't have to hear it.

Full video:

This comment stings me like a rubber bullet probably would

GD

@schiff.senate.gov they are subtweeting you

Dunno, every US liberal I see here stresses the Nurnberg defense not working. For practical matters though it is unlikely PFC Snuffy will refuse an illegal order. So it is mostly up to officers and senior NCOs and even few MAGAs in the chain of command may cause problems...

I think they're more committed to their wet dreams of violence and order than to any oath they no longer remember

I thought you guys did satire! 😭

make sure you fly the right flag or the admin will continue what it's been doing

Nailed it.

This is the satire part - the bad English. It very subtle.

Okay I know we've all being saying that the Onion is just reporting the news but in this case it is literally just reporting the news. It's not exaggerated an iota.

If you are progressive then why are you on the fascist blogging website for fascists? Is it part of the "satire"?

You should do a bit about giving fascists money and traffic to host your progressive satire

“We don’t need the National Guard beating minorities to death and escalating tensions in the streets of Los Angeles, that’s what the LAPD is for,” Newsom stated

The Onion's pivot to publishing straight news is going pretty well.

That's the thing. They're playing right into his hands. To him, shipping democrat voters to foreign prison camps just helps him in the election. Why try to win more votes when you can just take away your opponents?

If it seems even remotely believable, it is the satire. If it seems too crazy to ever possibly be real, then it is real life. Welcome to 2025.

You won't be able to tell, but that won't be a problem.

It's going for sure. Don't even need to guess.

PROTEST SAFELY!

Only the ignorant and lazy actually want a dictator.

Helping people buried in debt: “Hideous government overreach, get the govt out of our lives” Military occupation of one of the largest cities in America: “YEAH LETS GO! KILL THOSE ANTI-AMERICAN SWINE!”

I guess maga base forgot about states rights. Feds are taking over

Hurting, not hiring.

Oh wow, I didn't know they made an article about you 7 months ago, @governorwalz.mn.gov

I thought you guys only did satire?

Adam kinzinger is offended.

Touche

True

Join America’s Finest Membership membership.theonion.com?campaign=701...

also can you guys stop writing tomorrow's actual headlines, it'd be appreciated. i'm tired of livving in an onion article

it took me a second to realize this was an onion article

All I keep hearing in my head is Neil Young's refrain - 'four dead in Ohio'

This one isn’t parody

For as long as Trump imagines LA to be in so much chaos that a military occupation is necessary… we should shut down the port of LA. If it’s too dangerous for our massive militarized police force to keep the peace then it’s too dangerous for us to unload/ ship the whole countries Amazon orders.

Why is the Onion so much better at straight news than CNN is at comedy?

The Onion just posting real news at this point.

Maybe a new tech startup called "air attic" could host listings for a P2P attic rental market

When the onion doesn't post a funny, you know shit's serious

Onion you're supposed to be a parody

Trying to appease a crook like Trump doesn’t give him a reason to do anything but keep doing what he’s already getting away with.

In Philadelpha 5 cars burning is a Super Bowl win.

America's Most Trusted News Source. Can't miss even when they try.

Just imagine how much better off America would be if trumps old man had worn a condom

So true.

Right? People keep acting like this is pre-trump times we’re in. This guy will order mass murder, and his government is stocked with like-minded white spremacists.