Chametz Rodriguez

If you look like this @me

all the small things crisp tots, hot wings starting with some lighter fare got some apps for us to share

*this user has been shrouded in swirling mists at The Haunted grove

As if filleting me with particle beams wasn’t enough, LEWKBOT 9000 then proceeded to vogue over my corpse for over ten minutes while playing a MIDI medley of FKA Twigs, Beyoncé, and others.

using Predator cloaking technology to sneak into a bunch of jazz/tap classes so I can learn for free

First hermit crab: Okay I know it’s not really up to me, but I’m thinking “luxury crabs.” “The only crabs with a house.” “Property crabs.” “Remarkable crabs.” God: 🙂

I will not be saying "pardon?" Instead of "what?" Unfortunately no matter how much more polite it is!!! That's some fuckass shit!

"Ain't no rules says a dog can't be a governess." -Charlotte Brontë, 𝘑𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘌𝘺𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘶𝘥

Ideal polycule (identical fire-and-ice elemental twinks + 5/8 scale cow-enby)

Use [Power Drill] on [Elf]

today on the streetcar the man sitting across from me ended what seemed like an important business call with “well, as snoopy would say: gawrsh!” then he frowned, looked at me, mouthed “goofy?”, I nodded, then he said “I’m just being goofy!” and hung up, and gave me a thumbs up

[You are encumbered and cannot run] [You drop: Greatsword of Frost] [You are encumbered] [Warning! Dropping Prince Tim will abandon his questline!] [You drop: Prince Tim] [Quest failed! "Tiny Kingdom in Need"] [You are encumbered] [You drop: (1) of (14) Cheese Wheels] [You are no longer encumbered]

Just remembered this incredible chain by @hooks.bsky.social and friends.

“Yes, AirBnB support? The door code isn’t working and the owner isn’t responding to in-app message”

Doing a brand partnership with my own ass

Emerging from my crag to menace the nearby hamlet.

lol at the guy lifting weights wearing a smiths tshirt. what’re you workin out today man your fuckin. crying muscles

when the onion in the fridge is like trying to grow a new onion. that’s so embarrassing. caught ya with your trousers down, mate

If a man be skalt on his member -- i.e., upon his ȝerde -- lay the pouder thereon! For what manner evil be upon his member, the pouder shall heal it!

You got 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙐𝙣𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙎𝙖𝙪𝙘𝙚! Press [𝙀] to ᴄᴏɴꜱᴜᴍᴇ 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙐𝙣𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙎𝙖𝙪𝙘𝙚. Hold [𝙁] to ꜰɪʟʟ ᴘᴀᴄᴋᴇᴛꜱ with 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙐𝙣𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙎𝙖𝙪𝙘𝙚 (Req. 2× 𝙀𝙢𝙥𝙩𝙮 𝙋𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙩). Tap [𝘾] fast to ᴡɪᴘᴇ 𝙃𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙐𝙣𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙎𝙖𝙪𝙘𝙚 on back of 𝘿𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙮𝙚𝙙 𝙋𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨. 𝙐𝙣𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙎𝙖𝙪𝙘𝙚 used ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴛɪᴄ ꜱʟᴏᴘ! 𝘿𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙮𝙚𝙙 𝙋𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙨 are ᴜɴᴡᴇᴀʀᴀʙʟᴇ!

They’re letting me use the heated water bath in the supermarket food warmer to grow my lifeforms

🎶 woke up this mornin’ Nien yourself a Nunb 🎶

i look to the sky at night and i wonder: are you out there somewhere, staring up at the same moon? are we each plotting to steal the same gems from the Moon Goblin?

It’s Big Ball Chunky Time

“You got any games on your phone??”

When you lay down for a “quick nap” at 5:15pm…

Just another Manwich Monday