Reginald Toots

when the the regular monks find out about the trappist ones

ESPN goes to break with Pat McAfee choking on a potato

I've trained my dog to salivate at the sound of a bell thanks to my invention, the edible bell

telling people the Bucs wear the creamsicle throwbacks because they reject an independent Ireland

January???? Pausa de defrostation

Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First https://theonion.com/protestors-criticized-for-looting-businesses-without-fo-1843735351/

really excited for this one

Der Viener Schlinger, the world’s first handheld hot dog launcher, can now fire a 2.67-ounce Fairbury Tomboy at 90 mph from Tom Osborne Field over the 165-foot-high skyboxes. The machine has come a long way, in part thanks to 170 UNL engineering students. Read more 🔗 buff.ly/RUjRedg

It’s even more ridiculous at night

There’s really only one thing to take away from this weekend of college football. The people cry out for a return to sanity. youtu.be/s19deJAPmFw?...

if you wear a casio watch, the only way to set an alarm is to give it to a two-year-old and let them play with it. the only way to turn the alarm off is to bump your wrist on something eight weeks later. there is no other way to turn the alarm on or off

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the absolute best way to exit a conversation ever.

Drake Lindsey x Bobby Hill

These being the same day is so fucking awesome

this is so cool

“PJ Fleck, bizarre little man. You’re still in control of the board.”

(extreme Chris Cornell voice) asshole son

LMFAO -- Trump is holding an event at the White House right now but there's no audio because the press pool isn't there. The Newsmax host notes that this is an example of Trump's attacks on the press "backfiring just a little bit"

Whether you're a person or a corporation, everyone has a place in the InfoWars movement.

A&M should blame D E I a a N n s T g y s

This is an absolutely pitch perfect bit

NEW: Sports reporting is shrinking. But at ProPublica, we’re diving in. We won’t cover the games, but we’ll be keeping score — of which powerful people are winning, of who’s being hurt and of which systems can be held accountable.

BREAKING: Ed Sheeran overcorrects, joins Hezbollah

when it’s time to eat ortolan but you’re in a hurry

“I hate to do this, but fans wouldn’t be able to experience The Lost Tour as intended if I performed in the state I am tonight.” — Phoebe Bridgers

This is the best thing yet that @bencollins.bsky.social and @timheidecker.bsky.social have done at the new Onion

me: hey, aren't you jack reacher? reacher: poster. mid-tier, by the look of it. you were on twitter until it became x. now you're just on one of the knockoffs, most likely bluesky, because you don't have the self-confidence for instagram or tiktok. me: ok t— reacher: peaked in the buzzfeed era.

“The college football season is here. Hope you brought your A-game …” - Jon Bois

I did comment on this story on my show. None of you mouthbreathers noticed, because you don’t actually consume my work or care about the issues in this story you claim to care about —you just want to find reasons to shit on another woman.

russel the cat, 21 years old

I really cannot think of a greater honor than to have the Muppets say this about you upon your passing

Probably the worst, trashiest example of college football access journalism I have ever seen here. I shouldn't share it because it'll generate a few clicks, but I'll do it anyway in case anyone wants a really good What Not To Do example. Disgraceful for all involved www.on3.com/news/art-bri...

Me, nodding knowingly: The beaks.

youtu.be/w4zGHoZ5Dv8?...

Okay, last one

public libraries ftw

sometimes i'm looking through old files and i stumble upon unexpected treasure

What in the beautiful mind