greg2hats

I'm pregnant from an elf

Making disparaging remarks about Saddam Hussein just shows how out of touch you are with Middle America’s Ba’athist working class

I'm very fortunate that influencers weren't a thing yet when I was growing up so my primary role model was Goku

Whatever happened to all the news about uncovering Obama's gay lover? I really liked hearing about that guy and I imagine once they talk to him, I'm actually pretty interesting apart from my relationship with Obama. And he probably has some projects he'd like to plug too

And “that’s a wrap” on making me know more about any members of Meghan Markle’s family. Thank you

Legitimately a dream to write something that inspires a reader to "go Martin Luther Mode."

Hi, Nugget.

The PHP vuln has escalated from "my smart non tech friends are asking about it" to "people who are on Samsung internet for fun"

Yes I made a video where it looks like a recording from a suicide bombing of a drone flying into my penis, but actually I started the drone in front of my penis and flew it away, and then played the tape in reverse. But it's spiritually correct that the government is trying to blow my dick up.

The premise here is exactly what I profess: aerobic exercise and strength training will make you feel better and help you avoid the things most likely to make you feel worse. I can understand that trans people see particular barriers to entry and I think Merritt is a good person to address them!

It's been long enough that SNL can have Elon back on to host, right? It's very common for stars to host more than once

i remember in basic training everyone crowding into a stall, jostling for position to observe one left by PFC Stanislovski, curved around the bowl one and a half times. biggest grin i ever seen on an 80lb white boy.

When a poop is long >>>

Reggie Miller just called LeBron’s 14-9-7 line “low triple double numbers”

This is not even slightly true! Texas has "cities" that are large collections of suburbs and a density profile where it's densest cities are lower density than the typical California suburb

i would love to go "Blade in the club" mode on a certain selection of people right now. I wont say who they are! but you can think about it too

rare non-shitpost from your pal ceej: if you self-host plex you’re gonna wanna update asap. crypto miner malware started hitting installs yesterday, it got me and I’m usually pretty up on this stuff

fully fucking laughing out loud alone in my apartment because I was looking through saved pics and saw this lmao

I was reffing a game and a kid gave up and said "I have accepted my fate" bc his team was down 0-7 and I told him "never accept your fate." But what I meant is that you must both accept your fate and continue to rebel against it, like in the work of Albert Camus. Wish I could have that one back.

my new OC: Charcuterie Jack. Indiana Jones but more debonair and more bon vivant. Drunken Master of the Mountain Winery. The third brother of Pierce Brosnan in Mrs Doubtfire and Pierce Brosnan as James Bond. I believe America is ready for a hero who serves action one small plate at a time.

Life is short. Live brazenly. - The Brazen Dude

Ain't nobody told you that you could poop that butt in here, bitch.

i was dumping the compost and thought I saw the rat, who i hate, but it was a big ass salamander or lizard, which is a blessing

Started getting used to the protein pasta texture.....honestly I'd probably be happy with the bug bars if that's what I had to easy

Doing my annual House of Cards rewatch. Some of the technology is dated and even the most cynical political backbiting seems quaint by today's standards. And of course I'd love to see what those writers could do with the whole "super intelligence" thing. But otherwise it holds up!

Nothing has ever gone away more than "Benghazi"

Just found a pube that is perfectly shaped like the outline of New Jersey. I will be posting it on Facebook Marketplace for $1000. Serious offers only.

At that Warhol x Duchamp collab

I need to make a chart of how when people borrow money, they pay it back after awhile, so they owe more money on recent loans than older ones. And I think I'll use Bloomberg's generative AI tools to make it.

for halloween i told everyone at my job "i drank a potion and now i don't feel so good" and i've been changing my slack profile picture every few days along with my display name accordingly to stuff like "potion update- still not feeling so good"

I'd like to see Ed continue to paper over his lack of subject matter expertise with generative AI tooling this time. Ah! Nevertheless,

I have seven toilets, one for each number on the Bristol stool chart, arranged like the circles of hell in the Inferno. And I will be your Virgil,

Poem in the Shape of the Poet Beating Henry Kissinger to Death with Their Bare Hands by Felix

Listening to a podcast and the guest is Taylor Lorenz...that's a grampa Simpson for me

Movie idea: Vampire Jock. A vampire who is a jock. Yes there are obvious challenges that's called a plot genius. But just think of his moves.

Gonna have to call you back you got me at a bad time.....I just started cutting up a melon

Trying to get a tattoo of bulbasaur giving birth but no one will do it. I heard there's a former CIA black site that they redeveloped as an AI food court so maybe someone there can.

I dont know why i would have expected anything different but it still sucks that the Hint of Rat Cum Tostitos always break when you try to scoop salsa with them

Of note, one of this year's ballot measures is purportedly to fund necessary medical research, but a close examination reveals that it's basically a $4 billion taxpayer payout to a single sketchy nonprofit. That's why it's important to read the fine print.