Dan Kober

Rapist mindset

When I got clean bills of health about my heart and about my guts they said “keep doing what you’re doing” and I know what they meant but it’s bad advice

Trump keeps talking about Husted’s ass instead of his policies because he knows which one is better.

“…Trump would choose abuser over abused because he would not ever want to be confused for the weaker half of any binary. Trump would identify, instantly and instinctively, with the person doing the most harm, because they would seem to him to be winning.”

Well, right now, things aren't so good.

Fellas, is it gay to fantasize about testosterone fueled cowboys being on top?

“In addition, giraffes are now tall horses. Because that’s what they are. They’re just tall horses. Everybody knows it, they just don’t say it. I’m not afraid to say these things. And those so-called capybaras will be known as ultimate guinea pigs.”

It’s somehow more depressing that our constitutional order is being dismantled by people who demonstrably cannot find their own asses with both hands.

"Normalizing." My God. That bus went years ago. He's President until he's not, and he must be dealt with on that score. You want to know what Mamdani gained? I'll tell you: One extra federal dollar is a success; he keeps the wolves from the door; and most important, he humiliates his critics.

and none ever did or ever will

We're going to bomb the bond market? This dude's brain is pudding, man.

Bluesky is a "liberal bubble" because fascist chuds can't get traction without algorithmic assistance and because people here trained themselves to block "debate me" trybois the instant they roll up

Elon knows a lot about ex money (child support)

I’m putting my marker down now. 2026’s word of the year is going to be “token”.

Political Profile: Todd Blanche https://theonion.com/political-profile-todd-blanche/

the president is lying again he lies every day, constantly, about everything, and he makes us listen to his lies, and I am very tired of them

“I don’t celebrate death” okay well skill issue

I'm so disillusioned, I almost don't even care who gets the FIFA Peace Prize next year

Oh. Oh no.

Trump’s brain treats prepositions like a drawing for a 50/50 raffle. It reaches into a hat and just says whatever word his weird hand plucks out.

“It's gauche to leave the spine of the system so bare; we live in a shooting gallery for oligarchs.” www.penny-arcade.com/news/post/20...

Pretty good ad campaign for Raising Canes, tbh

this website wrote hundreds of poems that ended on “Knicks in five” so this just can’t be true

what the fucking fuck

1/ Five cases of New World screwworm have now been confirmed in the U.S., Texas has declared an emergency, and Canada immediately restricted livestock imports. Most people had never heard of screwworm until last week (or maybe just now). That's because we eradicated it from the U.S. in 1966.🧵

It’s sort of upsetting that the clearest, most obvious social message is coming from goddamn Texas.

There’s been a lot of talk in this race about what makes a "real man." A man does what’s right when no one is watching. He upholds his commitments to his family and neighbors. He doesn’t lie, cheat, & steal his way through life. Real men serve others. Weak men serve themselves.

it bolsters talarico’s own persona and it allows him to say things like “weak men lie to you, they steal from you, they cheat you.” put that over a montage of paxton being a scumbag and baby you got a stew going

If Biden had passed out at a meeting and pitched over to 45 degrees like this he'd have been forced to resign the presidency

Hunter Biden spending his whole day every day on Twitter being like "I'm not a pedophile, I was smoking crack with ADULT hookers at the Super 8 outside of Newark, you guys have pictures of all of it INCLUDING my hog from My Leaked Stolen Laptop™" is a masterstroke. Should've done this years ago.

Has anyone done a real deep dive about the parallels between this and, like, the Romans organizing a bunch of gladiatorial spectacles in honor of Caesar or am I just a horrible Student Of History and seeing parallels where they don’t exist?

The feds harangued Kat and my family over bullshit charges for a year. They tried to beat her down, bankrupt Kat and her codefendants through legal fees, and a defeat her spirit. They fucking lost. They will continue to lose. Fuck ICE forever. To this criminal gang of a government: stay losing.

As I told a reporter last week, nearly all convocation brouhahas boil down to a single issue: Students, even normie non-radical students, rightly understand graduation as a day that is for them, and about them, and which belongs to them. You fuck with that at your peril.

Who took a monkey’s paw to Banana Republic and made all the mannequins come to life

I still can’t believe reporters act like his freestyle brain farting is meaningful in a journalistic sense.

Brilliant surgeon announces success of complex and lengthy operation to remove object he shoved up his own ass

Look if you've got a better way to run a country than "putting an illiterate octogenarian bigot on TV every few days to free associate and complain, and then everyone tries to figure out if it means we're about to start a war or not" I'd love to hear it. But the constitution says this is it.

If only.

All cars have, like, blind spots. But for it to be able to encompass an entire-ass vehicle that’s.. in front of you…?

the way this makes sense for RFK is that "healthy people" and "sick people" are ontological categories.

I bought four round trip tickets for a July trip 6 weeks ago for about $1000, same flights are $2400 today.

Someone smarter than me is going to have to come up with the carefully worded joke here.

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-h...