Grrrmit Toad 🎃

When an animal goes meow that’s how you know you’re dealing with a cat or a cat like creature

It is Gar

Switching my headlights to eye tracking laser beams to only show light where it’s needed

Crab mom talking to crab son: you’ll never be a crab man if you don’t finish your tubi

Bored of electricity need something new

I'm glad we still teach the classics

Headless horseman of the apocalypse

They should make a phone with buttons

Eating a D20 in order to increase my options

Glows at you

Adsorbing on the bed by non electrostatic forces

I'm tired of getting hit in the head with a stunt hammer. I feel like at this point I'm ready for a real hammer. My sensei: You fail to grasp the purpose of this exercise. We must increase the amount of stunt hammer hitting we do.

Adopt a cryptid today and get 30% off landscaping options that attract more cryptids to your neighbourhood

When I was your age all I cared about was my anti flag cd and convincing my mom I needed four cans of silver spraypaint a week for school

(Carnivore voice) my opinions about that are meat-spirited.

Everybody’s touching grass

Hi yeah, I'd like to return the Gun of Friendship and Smiling. Yeah. No, it brought no such friendship and smiling, just 3 dead and a bounty out on my head. yeah :/. no i don't have the receipt. yes, i'll take in-store credit,

(When you read this, imagine it’s 2021 and you’ve just heard that people pay thousands for pictures of cartoon monkeys) Anti-piracy ad: You WOULDN’T Download An image

beaver 🦫 stack 🦫

sorry i unliked that one because. i did like it but i don't think im allowed to

Done

Adding cream and sugar to my monster energy drink. I just don't like it too strong.

I got them to include in the contract that I’m allowed to be silly. I can pretend to be a mummy and stuff as long as I hit my numbers.

@crabman.bsky.social i’m rewatching american horror story for october reasons and there was a character called lobster boy. Any relation?

My gf (658 mermaid) has been talking to her ex (473 Greenland shark) and he is threatening to bite and chew my legs (28-inch inseam)

If I was rich I would take out 30 minutes of infomercial time on every major tv network every weekday and it would just be me screaming at the camera YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PAY MEDICAL BILLS THERE’S NOTHING THEY CAN DO

when ur not making money moves,,,, the money moves without u,,,

Next up on spooky month is a tentacle monster dude.

Usually someone just writes who to vote for on the sidewalk on my way to work with chalk and I do that. Sidewalk chalk is of the people

Ok

draculas probably hotbox the coffins

Opposed to eating mushrooms on the basis that we shouldn't eat things we cannot understand

Just noticed a single duckling in my backyard. Picked it up to go find its mum. Run into my spouse who is also holding a single duckling for the same reason. We’re just standing there chuckling with our ducklings. Classic.

*knocking gently on a cocoon* are you almost done in there I really need to change

hallowed be thy ween

A crow guy for the spooky month. 🐦

Beary sorry for the wait! 🐸

Imagined a scary creature and got scared

Thinking about frogs

Once upon a time I was falling apart, now I’m still falling apart. Total eclipse of apart.

I’m going to live forever

手のひらグリフォン