Grimm (My Normal Name Is My Halloween Name, Duh)

HEY, we can do pinned posts now so I am going back to this old chestnut as my calling card.

Every one of these neo-nazi fucks in EVERY country are inextricably linked with A) goonsquads and B) the Republican Party of the United States and its neo-nazi techbro sponsors because they are ALL members of a Fascist International. This👇 is the START of how you MEANINGFULLY deal with them.

Sex so good, I now need a chiropractor… and a priest.

when the moon hits her eye like a big pizza pie that's a catastrophic extinction event

When in the area, ask me about my world-famous smashing myself in the head with the baseball bat of regret.

SCARY MOVIE LISTING: [Dark Foreboding Movie Title] ME: oo SCARY MOVIE LISTING: TV14 ME: oh

Ah, we're doing the Fokker thing again, are we? Great. I'm sure it'll be great. This is my I'm-sure-it'll-be-great face.

Having to win an election to get your dad out of jail and then failing miserably would make a great plot for an Adam Sandler movie.

Now fucking arrest Mark Zuckerberg

No one is giving their expensive drugs to your kids for Halloween. Calm down

I love gazing upon my kitty's little furface but wonder if she thinks "I shall tolerate your weirdly bald front-head only as long as you're my food mother"

get in, no time to explain

You've loved Chicago Med, Chicago P.D., and Chicago Fire. New on NBC this fall: Chicago Zoning Board of Appeals.

Hate when someone figures out my password and I have to rename my cat

is this how we’re supposed to treat women, Dwayne?

People ask what it takes to keep a 1000-year-old witch like me alive, then look shocked when I tell them I need 1 human baby sacrifice every moon cycle. But when you amortize the baby over a month, it’s barely anything. What’s a baby weigh…8 lb.s? That’s like a 1/4 lb. a day—that’s hardly any baby!

Anti-trans Democrats are spreading poison when we can least afford it, during elections in this ongoing fascist takeover. As a strategy, it’s a recipe for failure. As a moral stand, it’s reprehensible. PS I’m the father of young trans woman and I’ll never forgive anyone who makes her life harder.

Looks like one can pre-order the Musk movie on Apple+ and that’s good because there are only 2 theaters within 25 miles of Los Angeles where one watch Alex Gibney scoop out Elon Musk’s tender guts one disgusting teaspoon at a time. tv.apple.com/us/clip/musk...

i always make waffles get tropical when we go to the coast

Haha "oh no all I did was fuck pigs and dedicate my life to fascism and now they call me a fascist pigfucker."

The MLB pitch clock is bullshit because if I was a big league pitcher I'd go back to the rosin bag and bop it around on my knees like a hacky sack and it would be hilarious.

*appearing on your couch & handing you a cookie* Hey, did you know that crows can recognize individual human faces & that regal horned lizards squirt blood our of their eyes when scared? But you can't blurt it out to just anyone. People get very "What?" about it

How long of a cooling off period should one observe before deciding to hex someone?

They call the World Series "the Fall Classic" but to me the Fall Classic is when the sidewalk is hardpacked snow and my feet swoop out from under me and I land on my back like a cartoon.

the scientific method is the sort of thing where if it wasn’t invented yet, I could see myself inventing it

For fuck’s sake

Then salt the earth.