James

[observing someone’s obsessive passion project] wow i really like whatever’s wrong with that guy

📸 Waiting II

I’m not one of those parents that lets my daughter win everything. I think it’s important to teach life lessons that you cannot always get 1st place. Which is why I dominated in that wet t-shirt contest.

good moon 🌕

when the moon hits her eye like a big pizza pie that's a catastrophic extinction event

Transition lenses that keep getting darker the longer someone is talking to you.

just learned the super bowl and valentine’s day fall on the same day next year and i, for one, am delighted by the potential carnage

dying from too many one-liners is being sentenced to death

how do i turn off the phone part of my phone

📸 Waiting

Skin cream called Shea It To My Face

filling my waterbed with milk just in case i ever run out

📸 Waiting

Hate when someone figures out my password and I have to rename my cat

the opposite of giving up is getting down and i probably shouldn’t do that either

they should invent a GLP-2 that makes people less stupid

it's called the grapevine maybe you've heard through it

happy chonks day everyone

what if i said i had a crush on one or all of you

i think chicken pot pie should get you high

R U Mad at Me: A Memoir

out of all the muppets, elmo is one L away from becoming emo

Boobs, yeah I’ve seen em

I wonder if shitty people can smell themselves

hoping to solve a lot of my problems by confidently using crosswalks

Roast beef and gravy scented lip gloss

adhd in that i turn down the radio so i can see the stop light better

a coffee shop called burial grounds where you can never take your order to go

A fjina is a fine vagina

"So long, suckers," I sobbed. I loved those suckers. I'd miss them terribly

a coffee shop called burial grounds where you can never take your order to go

ik ten percent of ur income sounds like a lot but istg if u tithe to me u’ll get to come to the big ghost party we’re all havin