Matt the Scott

My all-time comedy crush. Brilliant, fearless, wildly funny, and a fox. I can't even process this. #catherineohara

"Good night, Minnesota! I am OUT of here! See you at Nuremburg 2!!" #gregbovino #bovino #ICE #trump #minnesota

It's okay. My dad used to say these types of things. My dad has Alzheimer's, btw. #trump

AOC reads Vance and his whining to filth.

Breaking: ICE

Offensive to my soul.

Jim Rockford is back on the case: NBC has ordered a pilot for a reboot of the classic '70s detective series The Rockford Files.

Douglas Adams > Scott Adams

Note from a veteran police reporter: NAMING law officers who use lethal force under any and every circumstance IS NOT doxxing. It is journalism. Officers who invoke lethal force are ID'd publicly as a standard -- or were when we were a republic. Asdress, no. Name, rank, posting, etc. -- yes.

wow, sorry. Deleting now. I didn’t know she was French

"We now own Batman, Harry Potter, and The Wizard of Oz" is quite the journey from "we mail you 3 DVDs". #netflix

Hey kids! Spooky season is here! Who's YOUR favorite Nosferatu?? #stephenmiller

RFK Jr talking about #Tylenol:

IIRC, if The Rapture really happens it’s honestly going to be great down here for a thousand years until everyone gets thrown into the lake of fire. A thousand years without these assholes! It’s actually a pretty good deal!

Multiple peer reviewed studies done by medical researchers indicate that Tylenol does not seem to be a cause of autism. But one heroin-addicted nepo baby says that it is. For pregnant mothers it can be hard to know who to trust.

Trump’s inability to pronounce “acetaminophen” raises new questions about Joe Biden’s mental state.

Me, yelling up at my wife as she's Raptured: "What's the FIOS password??" #Rapture

Whether it’s Fox News’s Brian Kilmeade advocating killing homeless people by “involuntary lethal injection” or MSNBC’s Matthew Dowd bringing up things that Charlie Kirk said, both networks have crossed the boundaries of decency.

GHISLAINE MAXWELL: here we go, boss. a big book of letters from all of your horrible best friends JEFF EPSTEIN: oh neat! look at this one from Donald GHISLAINE: that one's fake actually

Quick question: what the fuck is anyone talking about anymore

"let's keep politics out of it" - someone with one very specific set of politics

Team Eric Adams Get Through Entire Day Without Any New Crimes Challenge

That's right, Eric Adams! You give the mayor of New York a piece of your mind!

wow that’s fucked up that they killed everyone who didn’t complete the scavenger hunt

no woke sign is gonna tell *me* what water’s potable

I would deeply enjoy supervising a PhD thesis about this advertisement… please get in touch 😅 (Yes, it’s a real advertisement!)

France raises a fascinating hypothetical point: what if the law still exists even if people might get mad at you

New Weezer album about to drop! #beatles #sammendes

Whether it’s Russia launching a massive drone attack during a supposed ceasefire or Zelensky not wearing a suit to the White House, both sides are to blame for the unending war in Ukraine.

Catching up on recent movies and had a choice between NOSFERATU and A COMPLETE UNKNOWN, and decided to go with the movie about the vampire draining the life from everyone he meets. NOSFERATU will have to wait!

In a just world this would be a career headstone.

drop a fight scene you love www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6o1...

Normally a state dissolving like this is the result of a devastating war of invasion, I've never seen a world power dismantle itself because jet ski dealers were mad they heard people speaking Spanish in front of them at the Target checkout line.

Sean Baker: Watch movies in theaters! Take your kids to the theater! Hulu: Not on my watch! *cuts feed* #Oscars #Hulu

Cannot count the number of articles that I've seen that act like Kennedy just didn't exist before his failed run for president. Like he didn't create and get rich of the modern anti-vaxx movement. Like he hasn't been slow walking us to this moment for two decades.

Today, honor a King, not a Felon. #mlkday2025

When I go on a web-site I will ALWAYS select “do not sell my personal information” and also I carry a card in my wallet that says I DO NOT CONSENT TO BEING MURDERED

So here is the thing: You know how lottery winners often end up bankrupt because they have no idea how to handle so much money at once, and make all sorts of bad choices? Well, fame is a lottery win, except instead of money you suddenly get (relative) power and access. Guess how people do with it.

I really don't know how I get under the skin of so many babbling fucknuckles, I'm a wee pear-shaped dude who stands like a penguin and is about as threatening as a creme brulee, and yet there's an entire cadre of dudes who regularly feature me in their pissy little two-minute hates, it's a mystery

I think people going "just switch to [X]" when someone complains about something are 75% people trying to be helpful and 25% people being smug dicks, and in all cases should probably remember that most people don't want to switch anything, they just want the shit they have to work for them.

I have not previously said anything re: the Neil Gaiman nightmare (apart from reposting notable reporting and commentary) but I have HAD SOME WINE and feel called to testify about my experience with this odious motherfucker