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If I am ever on a collapsing bridge very specifically at a perfectly flat upside-down angle and a car that is stripped of all framing to make room for a suction fan and 2 seconds of slow-falling thrusters equipped that can take 20 extra pounds max before collapsing is nearby, I know I'll be safe

if tesla was a fictionalcompany in a post-apocalyptic videogame i could see these as like different car classes with their own strengths and weaknesses. in real life however they're just fucking dumb. i don't know if i should laugh, cry, or do both.

It's crazy how a bunch of grown ass adults can still be distracted by the "jiggling keys in front of your face" tactic. Even just a modicum of critical thinking would make a sane person think "Ok, but when would I ever need this?" and immediately drop the tent over this circus.

What you have is a mentally 3 year old designing vehicles he imagined driving when he was a kid.

don't forget the line of flamethrowers he sold out of the mind of a little boy in a onesie doing drugs no really, real photo of him overstaying his student visa and working in silicon valley illegally

...and they all make great explosions.

They're both built to survive Highway 35

Didn't I see a video showing that the cyber truck is not bulletproof?

It's built for people who can't distinguish fiction from reality

They are designed to sell a phantasy. Those aren’t real products anyway

It's because Musk grew up scared of the underclass Apartheid created.

It’s for men who think technology is when manly

After seeing/witnessing how FSD works on the highway this year, I'm really ready for self driving turbo boosts into a canyon wall or a bridge.

marketing to people that spend hours stapling random bullshit on cars in gta

Necessary features for the kind of person that buys one when most of the country is choosing between paying rent and paying for food.

Preparations for ameristan I.e. Neal Stephenson’s imaging of rural wasteland America in the Novel Fall, or dodge in hell.

Or ... they sound cool to the 12 year old who just happens to be like 50 and the most divorced ket addicted guy to ever live

That jumping thruster tech is to be used on Mars.

yeah pretty much lol

Just what the world needs: a useless bauble for the uber rich. Meanwhile, children are starving thanks to this soul-dead creep.

Yeah, like, the VTOL boosters are stupid but I can at least imagine a situation where they would be useful (slowing your fall after an accident on a mountain road). The turbo is just pure asshole enablement.

I vividly remember watching that one cartube video evaluating the cybertruck and going “huh, a high powered engine with a rigid frame and bulletproof glass windows, but assembled shoddily so that it’s unsuitable for any actual work… well, I guess he does know his audience”.

The cybertruck wasn't even bulletproof when elon demoed it being bulletproof

i really, really dont wanna give these people any credit or at least slimy evil cleverness. but i cant help to think it looks like "look donald, it could dodge a missile pointed at you, maybe probly idk, now give me another trillion."

Neither of those things are true.

It’s because Elon is a child.

max divorce energy

Assuming this demo works in an actual car (highly unlikely) Per the Tesla website: -Acceleration thrusters are “limited release” -Upwards thrusters are “invite only” Also it supposedly takes several hours to refill the tanks This is not a serious product

Vertical integration has gotten out of control.

Designing a fleet vehicles that have one extra function, like a kitchen full of one use small appliances

the damn chrome cybertrucks reflect the sunlight just right to melt my eyeballs so I guess they have built in weapons too

tesla panics and locks you in? i mean, check out anti-car jacking gadgets from south africa.

products made for a fallout game conceptualized by the fakest fallout fan on earth

i still think about when they were advertising how it took a fireman like a dozen swings to even crack the window a little bit with a fireaxe. like not even that long after a cybertruck driver flipped over and was burned beyond recognition in one

Its never going to see the light of day. He's just putting the idea out there for tesla fan boys to spend money.

Notice how tech bros are obsessed with wiping out humanity for the sake of AI.

if one of these runs out of fuel midair and lands on my house i'm suing the hell out of that man

Its funny because they're not even properly implemented, like I remember someone testing the bulletproof claim and I think 5.56 could pierce easily, and the air thrusters are like, just asking for some idiot to accidentally make it into a bomb, or kill a family of five turning the jets on on theroad

We're literally watching Tesla jump the shark and people are clapping like seals

that whole presentation looks like a made for TV magic special. Was that David Copperfield driving? We're going to find out that it's as real as Marty McFly's hoverboard and was only to pump Tesla stocks...

Tesla working out new ways for their customers to die

more so its all designed around "Of course you did that, Because you're 12" energy

No jumping can avoid drones

It's all charlantry. A stunt that requires the entire set and stage to work, followed by cleverly edited footage. Same thing with the Cybertruck's purported invulnerability - staged stunts and an absence of substance.

i think it's just because nobody has the balls to tell him he's not 9 years old anymore

musk sells a lot of his scams on "wouldn't it be cool if life was like videogames?" the cybertruck exists at all because he figured he could sell people on the fantasy of owning some tricked out executive tank from a cyberpunk game.

Clear, weird trend…”Bioweapon defense mode” was a thing they made a big deal about too in the Y: www.notateslaapp.com/tesla-refere...

Yes, that design is for the manosphere.

the next car will double as a stillsuit

Oh come on. Nothing Elon claimed about the cybertruck was a man exaggeration or outright lie

Didn't one of the older models have a biohazard defense mode or something stupid?

Folks it’s time to read Naomi Kleins latest book!

The roadster can't actually do that, to be fair. Mainly because it doesn't actually exist.

Don't forget the flying tesla wheelchair announced today.

But none of them Actually Work! They should probably change the name from Tesla to Acme.

also very funny to imagine someone trying to recharge their compressed air thrusters after basic infrastructure has collapsed

Yeah Musk was selling it to nuts who think people trying to highjack them and I guess trying to get into the cartel petty dictator market but those guys got better cars for that

I think probably a solid half of men, and almost all conservatives, believe literal the walking dead or insert X disaster film are weeks away

A giant rocket that looks like a penis to inseminate a new world.

Or designed by a ten year old

They're both designed for hype for investors to make up for the fact that they don't actually sell many cars.

I wonder if there are any post-apocalyptic settings that account for how the loss of infrastructure would make most of our technology inoperable. "What happened to your Cybertruck?" "Had to abandon it after it ran out of energy in the wilderness."

And they all double as mobile incinerator coffins Like off that one ABCs of Death.

Me when i am bored in the post apocalypse so i go to the billiobunker and take a shit in the air intake.

He's trying to make og KITT

It's Elon trying to make something 'cool', except he has no idea what cool is

Musk's harem turns on him like Immortan Joe's.

note: both of these features are blatant lies

Can’t even make real world products anymore, might as well sell a consumer grade light sabre that’s illegal to own or use

elon must want to cause the apocalypse.