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Six dried and crushed endangered animal penises I think you'll find.

When did they get accredited to cover briefings?

it’s not like a collect-them-all-to-get-a-rebate scenario

"Kid Rock's penis in the sauna" You win this game of Clue!

🛑〽️ This is a wonderful new world-class standard of length - the pig's penis...

Fixed it

Pretty bad when an Onion headline is so close to reality.

He looks like Rodders after he went on that sunbed #ofah

Secretary Brain Worms is brought to you by: 'Meritocracy' 🎉

I want to know if he caught some serious bone-eating thing during his years of toilet seat cocaine sniffing. The dude’s left ocular socket is moving South faster than the San Andreas fault!

Sounds like the Secretary still has some sucking to do. He's used to it.

Semi-spoiler: humans are animals, but we needed to bury the lede

Ok are the animals penises in the room with us now⁉️

We all just need to eat dead animals we find on the road for peak health, bonus kicker if you fry it in tallow

I can’t do any more subscriptions but I broke down and got the print onion. Very excited for my first copy

What’s he gonna do with those penises?

Drawing furry porn to pay for med school

these "six degrees from Kevin Bacon" variants just keep getting weirder

doesn't really look like he could swallow another 6

Dammit! I just gave all my animal dicks to goodwill...

🤣😂🤣😂🤣

He's also one penis away from being a man

Ingesting?

Sadly, one of them is the Tasmanian Tiger! 😒

Which 6?

as seen on taxidermied roadkill racoon dick afficionado monthly

The problem with animal penises is that they lose efficacy after being detached from the animal. To obtain the full medicinal benefit, you must take the penis while it’s still attached.

Are they in him in that picture??

I read that in his voice. Now I need the full silkwood.

Potential shortcut: an echidna MIGHT count as 4 (do NOT look that up).

I liked RFK a lot more back when he was selling Raisin Bran.

OMG 😲

"And they're NOT the animals you'd expect!"

*sigh* Anything but the metric system...

Totally healthy

My favorite story is when Angie Dickinson had her oval office "meeting" (as a 19 yr old) with JFK, she described it as "the most exciting 15 seconds of my life!"

Apparently curing cancer is like collecting infinity stones, only much sicker.

I’m beginning to think his nonsense is deliberate.