Tony Pizza

i think. like ok if i ever fucked up so bad my eighth grade teacher posted up on a street corner to literally picket my behavior. i mean i would simply kill myself like that’s all there is to it

as heinous as jeffrey epstein's crimes were, i don't think he should have been abused by the president. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind

union person

My son was suspended from school for giving another student a "pigjob" and now we're all sitting around the empty dinner table as a family with our palms flat on the surface staring at nothing in particular in silence. It is understood none of us will ever ask what the word means.

Thank you, ladies.

i think people seriously overcomplicate chili. it really only involves three ingredients: water, beans and msg. if there are any foods you’re allergic to, throw some of that in for some added zing. don’t heat the pot. don’t be performative

my hat has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my hat

Today I ate a sweet pastry that was too big to fit into my mouth. I really felt like a moe anime girl.

More age gap discourse! Well, don’t mind if I do. *puts the barrel of the gun in my mouth*

its crazy that hila klein found out ethan klein cheated on her and her very first move to try to heal from that was to fly to israel

you can lead a horse to water. that's a little horse tip for you. i just got this horse and i havent tried getting it to do anything else yet but i'm 1 for 1 so far

right ok sure that's fine

and he reposted it 😭😭

people replied to this telling me that call of duty 23 is about to come out and that PCs are already $5000. once again my ability to imagine stupid shit has been bested by reality

Sorry still thinking of $1,200-$1,800 dollar console just conceptually. Those are Real Computer numbers. You can just get a real computer for that kinda cash. The entire premise of the console is “this is a baby computer you don’t control but it’s standardized and affordable” but they can’t do that.

call her remote code execution the way a single text from her has me doing things i shouldnt

(speaking outloud to no one in particular) really excited to get drunk off my ass this friday with two strange women

Watching an episode of chopped where the contestants are all teenagers and one girl was detailing her story about how she had to cook for the whole family after her mom died and the judge looked up from his plate and said “this swordfish is dry”

Rest in peace computers you had a good run but were eventually defeated by a single digit number and a bunch of guys doing stock scams.

as a mentally ill person i always enjoy when people decide an evil person lying to enrich themselves must actually be insane and crazy

when the CIA attempted to recruit me, they said I could suck any cock on earth. Any I desire. I turned down their offer because i am not Gay

jif sells ramen now. sure

I love trying to read an article longer than 250 words on a browser on my phone the constant reloading adds a lovely frisson of danger to the reading experience also it loses my place every time it reloads which is both interactive and disorienting best of all is when the ad tech kills the page dead

Last I'll post about this, but Elon Musk disagrees with me. This means I am onto something, and I feel more valid in my opinion than ever.

me getting ready to go to my dumbass big girl job while my husband and cat snuggle in bed without me

These are the most dangerous candy because without the little candy panties there is nothing standing between me and oblivion

Mr. El-Sayed do you disavow the Hamburglar and his reign of terror on the citizens of McDonaldland

everytime i push the button i hear someone scream in another room. but they took my phone and there’s not even like an iPad in here or anything. so, you know. button time

i like the story about ancient greece where a bunch of pythagoreans drowned a guy because he proved irrational numbers exist

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER: - Must have at least 8 characters - Include both uppercase and lowercase letters - At least one of these special characters: @#$%^&*- - Cannot contain your own username

driving my tesla roadster, i ask grok to schedule a dentist appointment. it generates a gothic anime version of the dentist’s receptionist with huge tits that asks me if i want a cleaning. i get so hard my neuralink activates the tesla’s thrusters and i slam 90 mph into a wall killing me instantly

I spend 90% of my week reading financials, analyst notes, earnings and all sorts of serious stuff, so this is the only kind of video I can watch on the weekend