Ken Legs

I've never beheld anything in my life. Wouldn't know where to start.

Bluesky has fifteen kinds of users.

My heart is heavy. Walter Koenig, our Ensign Pavel Chekov, passed away early today. Walter and I met on the bridge of the Enterprise in the 1960s, and we stayed friends for nearly six decades. When Brad and I married in 2008, Walter stood beside us as our best man.

Oh you want me to go see the movie everyone is talking about? Go see it at a cinema? The place where they literally drive a train at you?? not gonna happen lol 😂

In the Beano this week... Bananaman no more!

Photo of the suspects released:

This could be the start of some brilliant typecasting.

Distinctively British approach to AI

I should never have converted one of my brimmed hats into a boat. It's capsized.

The same people who think Henry Cavill should be Bond are the same people who think Richard Ayoade would carry Doctor Who, and that's really all you need to know.

The four finalists for James Bond are

I had no idea the Talking Heads guy was a Count.

“Mystery Actor”

Just seen two nuns going into Sainsbury's. Beat that!

That bit in Raiders where Indy shoots the show-off swordsman was entirely improvised. Ford had dysentery, so when it came to doing the scene, he just pulled out a gun instead & shot the other actor. Killed him, stone dead. Just to get out of filming the scene.

I really enjoy the implication of caution tape spattered with blood. It’s like that the cops were called for an initial murder but in the time since they showed up, even more violent acts have occurred near the original crime scene.

Haven't they seen the perks?

Detention? Sorry, but the guy travels across countries on behalf of a foreign power to kill someone & he gets detention? What are they going to do? Get him write lines for two decades? "I will not kill someone for Iran" "I will not kill someone for Iran" "I will not kill someone for Iran" "I will n-

I hope it flies straight off into some fucking power-lines.

"[They're] not going to sack you after a week. Sacked after twelve months, looks like you’ve fucked up; sacked after a week, looks like he’s fucked up." Katie didn't even last a week.

They should release a version where all four films play on the screen at the same time, like in that film Timecode.

Between the Borg cube, the puzzle cube from Hellraiser, and the cube from Cube, cubes were really the scary shape for awhile

*hacker voice* I’m in

If anyone ever asks you to pull their finger, don't. They're just going to fart and then laugh at you. It happened to me and frankly, it was humiliating.

No wrong answers!

Make a war film better

Ruin a book by adding a word: Shitty Lord of the Rings

“Sham-I-Am” - Dr. Seuss @theonion.com

Flubbed my gaffe in an important cock-up this morning :/

This is wrong. It's against God, it's against nature.

A great prank is releasing a swarm of bees into an enclosed public place, first numbering all the bees but missing a number in the sequence - like 1-4,999 & 5,001-10,000. So when they finally catch the rest of the bees, the authorities will spend HOURS searching for non-existent bee #5,000! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I always get Throw Momma from the Train and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot mixed up. Luckily, it's never come up in conversation so it has literally had zero impact on my life.

STEPHEN FRY: Now, which of you can tell me, who was the inventor of the telephone? ANDREW DICE CLAY: Your mother's pussy. STEPHEN FRY: Still not correct, although your persistence on this note is particularly admirable. ALAN DAVIES: Howard Nokia. [alarm goes off]

Dude's facial features are far too small for his face. It's like they're further away from us than the rest of his head.

"Drums, drums in the deep."

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Hiding in Plane Sight https://theonion.com/hiding-in-plane-sight/

An iPlayer glitch watching an old episode of Dr Who gave me this oddly encouraging message:

People assume the child actors from Honey I Shrunk the Kids didn't really do anything after, and that's not true. They were typecast as microscopic and cannot be seen with the naked eye in much of their later work

462

"How would you feel if you had accidentally grassed yourself?"

Drinking a Pernod, Ouzo, Marmalade and salt cocktail in tribute.

The Scottish are missing a trick with fortune scotch eggs.

Wow my barber really took a lot off this time. Fortunately, it was mostly hair

RFK Jr. would down that whole jar in one.

porn is so deeply misogynistic. i just watched a video with dozens of performers going at it, and they literally hadn’t bothered to hire a single woman.

I've finally got to that age where my eyesight has got to the point that I need wanking glasses.