Lori

How many times in a row can you have temporary insanity before they call it permanent?

An igloo made of toupees: wigloo.

I look up from sampling some drugs and see a small group of trees converging on me. "Oh no! Undercover copse!"

Let he who is without typo cast the first [sic].

A fun thing to do is set this as my contact photo in your phone, then when I call you, you can just say "ope, there's the banker."

When I say I am the GOAT, I'm referring to my BODY ODOR.

If you ever feel isolated while driving in the dead of night, just turn on your high beams. Another car will be there in a fricking jiffy.

If our bodies are full of organs, why don't we fart church music?

All my skinny friends eat vicariously through me.

It was only a one sleeve swipe cry

Testing the bounds of my drafts folder until it asks for mercy

Forever stamps are a good idea because the prices are likely to keep going up. Well, at least until AI destroys all life on Earth.

Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony walk into a bar.

A salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, green bell pepper, red onion, Kalamata olives, and feta cheese? I don't know. It's all Greek to me.

You have your way of doing BlueSky (funny with broad appeal). I have mine (odd ramblings). There's no one right way (except probably yours).

French toast? Whose idea was it to kiss your breakfast?

But.......why would I want to attract flies to begin with?

I lost the eighth grade spelling bee to a girl named Jennifar.

I've had my eye on a specific burrito at the gas station for several days now. Just waiting for the price to come down on it.

i petted the cat against the grain and it said woem

They saw me trying to expand the picture on a dinner menu with my fingers. Now the family won't let my go anywhere alone.

"You're somewhat unkind." "What do you mean, somewhat?"

Men die inside five to six years younger than women.

This day in history. 1874. Swiss chocolatier Charles-Amédée Kohler died in an avalanche of hazelnuts.

You call it the fetal position. I call it solo spooning.

When life backs you into a corner, you need to come out swinging.

I come from a long line of people who wish they weren't related to me.

I flip off 100% of the people that honk at me, no matter who caused the issue. It's good to be consistent.

I run a daily marathon where my thoughts race frantically, but never cross the finish line.

A gnome in the bedroom is never a good sign

I actually did mean to startle you

I only eat unprocessed napkins

Sometimes I try to imagine you're all real

Reposting you to teach you a lesson

Might post some shit. Might camp out outside your window...

AC just changed 'hope all is going well' to 'hope all is going to hell' and you know, that fits...

There are some people you simply do not want to understand. Trust me.

I will always give you the benefit of doubt. Until all I ever have is doubt.

I didn’t say I was right. I just said you were wrong.

The less you do, the less you feel like doing. It’s science.

I’d slap you silly, but it seems you’re already there.