Groceries

A great drinking game I invented: Take a slug every time one of your friends or family says, "Jack we're worried about you."

taking notes so i don't forget to go fuck myself

You could apply for a job with Search and Rescue. They’re always looking for people.

What do you mean "failed to delete post"? Get your shit together bluesky app, that's the most important feature.

buddy i wouldn't shit that with your ass

Therapist: Wow, you're extremely self-aware Me: I know, what meds stop that?

Nobody congratulates me for knowing shapes and colors any more. Even though I'm really good at it now

I'm real sick of these mofos researching shit and never actually thinking if they SHOULD do it to begin with. Then their tepid"well shucks someone horrible could do horrible shit with this!" Why is every over the top science fiction allegory of the 90s actually real life now....?

😭 this sucks everything sucks "This technology turns every router into a potential means for surveillance. If you regularly pass by a café that operates a WiFi network, you could be identified there without noticing it and be recognized later -- for example by public authorities or companies."

Everything that's legal basically shouldn't be and more or less, vice versa

World War One was the pee war. World War Two was the poo one

Back in the day you could look at the internet for up to an hour without getting mad.

Not only an incredible talent, but a rare talent who also thought it was funny to just voice random memes every once in a while

Hey Gemini what is my kid's name and what does she look like, I'm at her school play and I can't figure out which one it is

"You don't turn the Titanic around overnight" has been really bugging me because a) yes you can and b) you definitely should, that was the main problem

People are sharing all sorts of stories of Bauza on the picket lines fighting for artists and standing up for the craft of animation but I just keep thinking about the time he went to Tara Strong’s birthday and stopped by 6Point on the way home with a tray of cakepops for the artists working late

My favourite thing to do with a thought is perish it.

this is literally my entire political belief system right now

If you can eat an octopus, you can eat a dolphin.

Wondering how my life would change if I followed my dreams to become a Time Cop

sure things these days are pretty disturbing but i just read that during the 18th century you could pay for your admission to the zoo in london by bringing a cat or a dog to feed to the lions.

[through chopstick walrus tusks] divorth?

You don't know me but I'm the guy who labels seedless grapes when I damn well know they're absolutely riddled with seeds

probably going to get motivated just out of nowhere any minute now

Ok, joke's over. You can uncurse me now.

when the end times come i am planning to get raptored (fly away on a giant bird of prey i have been cultivating the loyalty of)

my brother just said he got chat gpt to make him a vision board and god that's fucking bleak

please note that the word that is emphasised here is 'MY'. for the leopard meme to be applicable, a person must have known and expected a particular outcome to happen, just not to THEM 'people' is implicitly understood to have meant 'those other people' rather than 'me'

Password requirements: * your password must be horp * exactly horp * four letters, zero numbers, those letters must spell horp * no horpn't * its easy to remember that your password is horp

youtube should never have become a vehicle for people like mr beast. youtube's purpose should be to have people with autism explain their special interests to me

It’s been 7 years since I was banned from Yelp and Im still mad about it