JSlow

Is Elon Musk mad that in that documentary they revealed he fucks monkeys? That he left South Africa because everyone called him Monkey Fucker Musk? Is that what’s up his idiot monkey fucking ass?

Having a buttery, bitter cup of blue lotus tea before bed.

Da do run run da dew run run was always about Mountain Dew™.

In a parallel universe I’ve already gotten a job which I continue to work at despite having won the lottery because I find it so damn rewarding.

Can’t sleep. The full moon’s fucking up my waterbed.

Me: Can I catch a ride with you? Person: Sure. As long as you don't ask me about the duck in the truck. Me: *perplexed head tilt* Live, dead, or rubber? P: *warning tone* Mar! Rubber. Long story. M: *long silence, torn* But...but... *sigh* okay.

roll into the couples skate with a pastrami on rye

Idk which one is rock bottom, a sleeping injury or a sitting too much injury

That old catchphrase was right. It was no moon, it was a space station. Tides are a robot. Moods are what you plug into. The mysteriously romantic ambience of night, good old fashioned jailbreaks for kissing

When I see ham fisted incompetence it gives me some hope. All the little ways they fail gives me hope. but that’s just Hope

I replaced my brain damage with embraced.

Jeannie: that’s navy, not black Me: my eyes are too manly to see that

Inspector Gadget woulda made a hell of a handyman. He’d need Penny and Brain on the job too but what? Telescoping arms and legs? unstoppable

It’s going to happen because I don’t agree. If only I was more agreeable? It will happen also.

Constantly surprised is why I suck at chess but I was born that way.

They changed the math/timing and I wonder if it’s for Sunday or seasonal.

Hate when someone figures out my password and I have to rename my cat

God: *right before big bang* fuck it send

My torso breaks open to reveal a Lovecraftian geode so horrific, all who gaze upon my crystalline innards vomit black ichor and descend into madness.

I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Double Negative

Jammed a #2 Phillips bit into my left ring finger today. I hate these ragged wounds.

going to thailand for illegal arm-lengthening surgery so I can pick up the screws I drop while standing at the top of a ladder

Hilda this morning.

Distraction

Working at my neighbors and my cat has been stopping by to check on me.

Throwing a Halloween party tonight. Got the records pulled. Going to run Misfits albums as interludes to give myself a break.

🎶There's two good things, that I know about. One is getting in, and the other's getting out.

If you can’t picture her throwing a Molotov cocktail, she’s not the one, bro…

bent broken holding a token me

Told my neighbors I’d replace ply and reroof their shed for cheap and it turned into rebuilding the entire roof structure.

I would share the statistics I've gathered on crop circles but the spreadsheets are just punkass farm numbers flattening out rows and columns with boards

Just realised I haven't posted about the lizards in a while so here's a quick update: They're still pouring out of every vent in my house and I'm still no closer to finding a solution

My customer right now looks like he could drop dead before I finish this job but I thought that when I first met him years ago.

Your reputation speaks for itself and it sounds completely different than you

It ain’t easy to stay freestyle in this modern world but please hold on to your freestyle.