Dave Knapp

Transition lenses that keep getting darker the longer someone is talking to you.

After seeing a bunch of ads about “low T,” I’ve decided that testosterone needs to pronounced like an Italian soup. “You like the soup? We have pasta e fagioli. We have minestrone. We even have testosterone, on special. Mangia!”Fuck, I’m drunk. Again.

Does one Mr. H. Foster still possess his gun? He should, in the parlance of his affinity group, eat it.

it's cool that you can send "STOP" to instantly block an automated political fundraising text message so they have to text you from a different number five minutes later

they should make the next vaccine airborne so all the anti vaxers can wear masks and pretend it’s the common sense thing to do to protect youself from the vaccine

Letting AI do all the things I love to do so I have more time to work myself to death for peanuts, because I am a figment of some obscenely wealthy dope’s imagination.

Anything can be mysterious if you just don't know things

REMINDER: what the media calls “bot farms” in Russia, we call “data centers” in the US. That is all, carry on. Or… don’t.

MY BUCKET LIST: 1. kick it

There are two wolves inside me. One has irritable bowel syndrome and the other is just cranky.

The funniest joke ever. 😂

I always sit to pee. Even in the living room.

My favorite witch on another app called Pete Hegseth a DUI hire and it was honestly the highlight of my day

Welcome to your late 50s. Your shoulder hurts from chillin' too hard. And from using the word "chillin'."

Does The Reaper have ADHD or something? Because he took two of our best 80 year olds, when the moldy pile of blancmange begging to be scraped into the bin was RIGHT FUCKING THERE.

I don’t have road rage. I have performance reviews for other drivers

“The Manager of the Rings.”

*pointing at a picture of mitch mcconnell in hospital* me: rigor tortoise

Not long for this world. (Hopefully)

Fuck you, my heart will go on ~ Rage Against The Celine

My whole philosophy, in an ABAB nutshell.

Gang of Five.

Of all the moral hazards, this might be the most immoral.

Be quiet! My team is playing

I have a theory that Mark Twain time travels and drops the dumbest people imaginable into every timeline to keep his work alive

A woman was raped. A woman will have PTSD for god knows how long, maybe forever. A woman will think about her abuser more than any people she actually loves and all because a man in a position of power didnt value her as a person and felt entitled to hurt her.

Like as far as im concerned this happened. If you know anything about coming forward with sexual assault accusations, then you KNOW the absolute hell it is. No one does thid for clout or money. Working retail in the holidays is a better way to make money than this hell

The platner thing is triggering me to no end. Im so tired of victims of sexual assault being used as props of their own tragedy, im tired of us being dehumanized so some shitlib or republican can have a gotcha moment. Im tired

Who woulda thunk that the guy with a totenkoph on his chest and a history of roughing up women might also be a rapist? How could we have known? (/s, for the dummies.)

I’m a Sagittarius. It means I have mad archery skills and a horse co…

Celebratory listen of “Your Mistake” by Negative Approach in honor of the Swift/ Kelce wedding.