Mike Conte

Imagine all the cool, fast trains we could have with the billions we spend on bombs.

When they release Epstein files to distract you from how bad the war in Iran is going, it must be really really really bad

What if he gets so mad that he dies

That’s what’s up.

it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars

please watch:

For those keeping score at home:

A Toast To Us

Trump: The stock market is booming! Only I could do this and it’s all because of me!

living through the previously-absurd scenario of an out-of-control president looting the nation, ignoring the law, inciting violence, pardoning criminals, working with our enemies, but instead of some titanic political struggle most of society is just trying really hard to avoid mentioning it

Is Honda trying hard not to score points in MotoGP? Maybe they don’t want to lose their concessions. Poor Mir!

We often forget how far we have come: Today almost 3/4 of EU electricity generation is from non-fossil energy sources. It is not long ago that fossil fuels dominated the EU's electricity mix. This year their share is approaching 1/4 of EU electricity generation. Source is @ember-energy.org

I can't figure out if I should delete social media or renounce my US passport.

The Dodgers told me Yesavage keeps striking out their batters so I asked how many batters they have and they said they just go to the dugout and get a new batter afterwards so I said it sounds like they're just feeding batters to Yesavage and then Jason Bateman started crying.

he's knocking down the literal white house and illegally murdering people by dropping bombs on international boats and the government has been shut down for weeks and it's just like....yep

In what constitutional universe is "the President is telling the Justice Department to pay him $230 million" not an abuse of power?

The hostage release is a reminder of how bad the Dems are at politics. Not only did Biden refuse to force this deal on Netanyahu & thereby help Harris win, but most people aren’t even aware that Biden got way more Israeli hostages (over 100) released with his 2023 ceasefire than Trump did with his.

This Reuters headline. Oof. Fascism isn't 'coming.' It's HERE. www.reuters.com/world/us/tru...

Glad to know it was the Tylenol. Thanks, Mom!

BUCK: welcome to Monday Night Football going out across the fractured and shattered united states. we'd especially like to welcome our newest viewers from the greater Omaha Demilitarized Zone who are joining us courtesy of the warlord Lord Bones, the Water Prophet. AIKMAN: Tremendous warlord, Joe.

We have always been at war with Tylenol

A fit white dude with long hair and a beard just materialized right in front of me bathed in radiant light? Anyways I hit him pretty bad with my car

Just spent about a week touring the rural American West on a motorcycle. Truly a beautiful place, full of ugly zeolots.

BREAKING: Florida cop treated for autism after exposure to tylenol during traffic stop

Happy Refusal to Memorialize a Hateful Shithead Day to all who celebrate!

the angel on my right shoulder: maybe we should put the phone down the devil on my left shoulder: (wearing backwards hat) keep scrollin scrollin scrollin scrollin WHAT

"we cannot express our regrets profoundly enough, but it is our hope that you will use these two free passes to return to jurassic park"

this is, hands down, the best video I've seen on men's influencer content and it's not close either

SCOTUS: We stopped Affirmative Action to ban targeting based on race, but we allow legacy admissions, white Afrikaaner "refugees," targeting of Latinos, over-policing Black communities, & bans on Afghan refugees and South Korean workers—because its okay to target based on race to help white people.

i'm not sure this is shocking but it is astounding. as he says, we have a dea and an atf for a reason. we seem to have gotten out of those businesses altogether.

how do i explain to my kids two women being married?? how explain sun go away at night but come back next day? how explain magic rectangle show people talk??? HOW

Genius.

My MAGA Uncle Timmy was attacked and beaten today because he’s a Trump supporter and fuck him I’ll do it again.

[writing the constitution] Benjamin Franklin: Write down "no dumb fucks as president" Alexander Hamilton: Stop saying that Benjamin Franklin: I'm tellin' you. You're gonna regret not writing that down

usually if you ask experts why an empire fell they’ll say it’s nuanced and multifaceted, so i think it’s kind of cool that with America future historians will get to just say like “oh they took the idiot train to moronsville”

one thing that's making me feel particularly insane lately is how there is no longer any limit to the amount of wrong you can be

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

Stand by this: www.politico.com/newsletters/...

1. I think there is a common misimpression that the risk of "higher prices" from tariffs comes from the need to pay the tariff itself, and that if people can somehow find a way to adjust, the pain can be mitigated.

VICTORY FOR BUBBA 🏆 Bubba Wallace wins the Brickyard 400 at Indianapolis Motor Speedway on Sunday.

Hulk Hogan was always the absolute worst and just kept on sinking. never found the bottom. a perfect figure for America’s last 40 years.

If you’re looking for hope in the world, just remember that Jimmy Swaggart died a disgrace while Ozzy Osbourne died universally beloved.

Everyone is dunking on Hulk Hogan and fair enough, but you have to admit that no one has done more in their lives to educate people about the dangers of Florida culture

'Hello human, nice to meet you'