Robbie M

anyone need a casting director hmu lols

emergency hotdog that heats up when you crack it like a glow stick

The NBA Opening Day Tournament sponsored by Polymarket begins today. The small handful of teams with at least 5 active players will compete for the ultimate prize: an in-person photo op with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman!

in fugitive the scene where harrison ford is looking up prosthetic arm records there’s this little metronome type sound like trickling water and it would sound cool under a trap beat

if you’re charging $40 for your haunted house i better be able to fuck a ghost or at the very least make pottery with one.

Imagine if 2 weeks before the 2010 election Obama was fixated on new basketball courts he wants to install at a rec center in Anacostia.

Early voting starts today in Texas so you have a choice: skip the lines and vote in 5 minutes or wait all day on Nov 3 hmmm this is a tough one

Sir Mix-a-Lot songs but they get more and more about big butts: 1. Rippn’ (1988) 2. I Got Game (1989) 3. Baby Got Back (1992)

Knowing is half the battle. Doing is the other half.

guy on ledge: I mean it I’m gonna jump ledge: You won’t do it windowsill: No balls

Townhall Tommy OneTone

4:04 sleep not found

C+C Music Factory was like "everybody dance now" and people actually did it

vampire who likes to hang out with his fang out

Note to the media: females under the age of 18 are not “young women” they are still “girls/underaged girls.” And men aged 18 and older are not “boys” they are “men.” Thank you for your attention to this matter.

ceo of burger king: our burgers have gone rogue again and infected people with e coli

just passed a guy who looked like a retired ninja turtle

TSA: any carry on? vulture: no thanks i already ate

Macklemore news cycle aside, Willy Wonka (feat. Offset) is a hidden gem with an earworm hook.

I’ve released my inhibitions and am feeling the rain on my skin rn dog can I call you back

A dark hotel room. I check my target's dossier one last time. I open a briefcase on the bed, and start screwing and locking pieces together. When I'm finished, there's a playground swingset. I may have grabbed the wrong briefcase at the airport.

Heist movies always have a moment before they introduce a new specialist where the main character is like "I know a guy" because the real treasure they were stealing was the power of networking. In my 12-week course, you'll learn–

My kids have measles, I lost my job, and my wife was deported. But at least now I don't have to see so many rainbow crosswalks.

Indie Jesus died for your Shins.

Describe your music taste in 3 artists, no genres BT Upsahl Bring Me The Horizon

No such thing as “rogue AI agents” only “lawbreaking corporations.”

you can hear the blood in your veins if you listen varicosely

Glaciers? You mean where the Gatorade comes from??

Sorry I called sauerkraut "German salsa."

Thank you so much for all of your happy birthday wishes. Honestly, I don’t really feel 100. I feel pretty good. I feel like I’m only 98!

Shoutout to The Matches for putting the TMNT hook in the outro of Audio Blood open.spotify.com/track/7dSPX2...

I’m gonna tell my kids this was Harrison Ford

Rotisserie chicken was invented by someone who watches how I sleep.

in Semisonic’s “Closing Time,” the narrator is kicking everyone out of the bar but also says “one last call for alcohol.” are we to believe that this establishment allows their patrons to slam one more round as they make their way to the exit?

the confederate insurgency did not last long enough to attend kindergarten not that it would

voiding into the yells

before you wax your snatch you’ve got to snatch your wax - anyways i’m brad welcome to bob evans

this cape is reversible but my decision to wear it to the custody hearing is not

crazy to think that frontiersmen used to wear faded red cloth onesies with built in crap flaps and now the median us home price is five times the average national wage

the “s” in “island” is really just there to explain what it is

On several occasions I slow-danced with a future A-list porn star. At church dances. Mormon ones.

“I just need you to find 47,635 files”

who up wuthering their heights

Make America Wet Again

Remember when things used to be unconstitutional?