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I was thinking the same thing. The man who did not know how many Americans died during covid. It was pretty believable for a second.

don’t encourage the bastard

“You can spread the Woke from dongbags” croaked the Health Secretary, through a garbled series of increasingly aggressive defenses that most closely resembled the sounds of a malfunctioning drive through call-box

*Snorts*

If one were to have RFKj's baby, would it come with brainworms? Or would you have to purchase and deploy them after-market?

I heard water does too!😆

In his case…

Holy shit! I had this scrolled up enough that I couldn't see the Onion logo and I was ready to go back to bed and pull the covers up over my head. What a timeline we live in.

brilliant. making shit up to get what he wants, not because he believes it.

You guys are AWESOMELY BRILLIANT. I love you. More please.

What a search.

😂

😆😜😁

fake, no one wants to fuck RFK

It took me a minute to remember what the onion is

Sounds like a line Musk might try.

You did it again. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I thought @theonion was a a satire site? When did they pivot to hard news? (no pun intended) @bencollins.bsky.social any thoughts?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Women still have set with that asshole?

That's why he and Olivia Nuzzi stuck strictly to phone sex

I read the title before I saw this was The Onion and believed this was real...

Yeah, I concur. I still find it strange, when there are so many other feasible targets. Maybe it's because the general public has so much ignorance about it that it's easy to proclaim "causes" and "prevention". Law of minimal effort, and all that.

It's the perfect scapegoat.

That's a very good conjecture. I don't know why it didn't occur to me, it's quite obvious in hindsight.

Dude should be neutered 😂😂😂

Sorry, who would fuck that hanging ball sack!

Christ ! Don't let him reproduce! Does he have kids ???

Mistress number 99 and counting?!!!!

When you have to actually check if it's from the onion 😂

Eeewww.

Totally plausible 😂

Ey-yo!!!!

I wish I could invent a time machine and go back to April 16th, 1953, and hand a condom to Robert F. Kennedy Sr. and sternly recommend he use it for the sake of humanity.

Bobby "Pestilence" Kennedy in service to his "Liege Orange Lord."

I curse my imagination.

My married friends keep saying things like that. Condoms are for renters, and spitters are quitters.

Funny! That said, here's the actual evidence that vaccines cause autism and what is the precise mechanism of action. www.midwesterndoctor.com/p/why-do-vac...

The thought just ... Oh gross ...

Ick x infinity.🤢

You mean, The Marvelous Mrs. Measles?

🤣🤣🤣

Really ? As such it would seem the numerous progeny of Elon Musk can be considered to be "safe".

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 RFK Jr. just breathing on you causes autism

Assuming he’d even have the pleasure of a mistress with that choked chicken of a voice

But they do stop brain worms!

RFK Jr looks like he was carved out of ham by a partially sighted lunatic who was in a hurry.

His parasites can’t spread through latex.

It can cause dementia because of excessive pressure.

@junlper.beer does the onion’s union ban AI “art?” It’s refreshing to see a fun photoshop instead.

pretty sure he would say that but in his own unintelligible way.

Ohhhhhhh

Took me a minute...

They make condoms for soft dick junkies?

This is a good one!

The last time he tried, he was about to loose his breath.

He should name the brand he uses, that way he can be sued into oblivion

And 80% of people are caused by accidents!

😂 I love these articles!

Gosh, that takes me back. When I was a kid, a long, long time ago, some guy was claiming that women who sucked dick had their intelligence increased.

It isn't the spermicide that's doing it?

What?! A Kennedy would never cheat on his wife

Wouldn't be surprised if he starts going down this route. Give him a couple of months if not just under a year and this will be true

Yikes - that’s a stretch.

And the blue pill makes you get brainworms.

He seems to have eaten a lot of them!

*RFK warns Olivia Nuzzi that condoms cause autism

HAHAHAHAHA

Hats off guys, it must be soooo hard to find stuff to parody with this Circus of Shite running the entire Festival of Fuckwittery masquerading as a government. Even this is more than merely plausible…keep at it, your efforts are not in vain! 👍

RFK Jr. claims mouth breathing loudly cures Autism

It suffocate the seamen. That's how you get brain worms!

Olivia Nuzzi should know better, frankly

He finally found the real cause!

RFK Jr. makes a strong case for unretiring the old R-slur then again the same could be said about the whole maga movement, and yes, it's a movement, just like with bowels.

We're all going through a lot as is without the ASMR of what RFK Jr's moans sound like

Where's Olivia Nuzzi these days?

Weird way to say he wants to take it raw, but okay

If MAGA. Are so against People with Autism. Perhaps if they STOP reproducing Children. 🇮🇪🇪🇺

Condoms prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.RFK is a threat to everyone’s health.

I'm surprised his dick still works

The Bureau of Loyal Statistics, run by RFK Jr, will soon produce the evidence proving this. www.ridiculocracy.com/p/trump-appo...

I would greatly recommend clinical help for her

I agree

If only his dad had used them.

This is the worst thing Ive ever seen

Something in Bob has gone untreated for decades.

😵

That makes him look too attractive, there's more of an air of weasel about him in reality

Trump used that SAME line - just ask Stormy!

He looks like rotten flesh 😂 and yellow possibly from liver problems and drinking piss

It's funny because there's a chance it's true!

Uh what?

ROFLMBO

My son is 21. He has autism. This shit isn't new. At *all*.

He doesn't need them. Her ovaries shriveled up as soon as she heard his voice.

I heard the #1 cause of death is previously being born.

Cmon, those don't exist!

Nah. They just materialize.

My point exactly. And you know what doe snot oxidize? CO2! maga should stop breathing oxygen and start breathing CO2.

YAAAAA

You know he used that fork-stuck-in-a-garbage-disposal sexy voice and haggard drug addict bedroom eyes to explain the dangers of safe sex that democrats don’t want you to know about.

To bad his parents didnt use them

RFK Jr is just an entitled frat boy whose brain WAS actually destroyed by all those recreational drugs. Along with his voice.

I heard they cause autism cells to cross the semen-brain barrier.