Relaxin' Jackson

“how do we win back trump voters in 2026” we don’t. we create an environment where admitting to voting for trump is so socially embarrassing as to render them completely inert. you don’t “win back” trump voters. you demoralize them into staying home. you make it a dunce cap

I want a new kind of radiation that cooks faster than microwave.

Republicans are so morally bankrupt that they've needed to adopt the nonsensical persecution complex of fundamentalism to attempt to gain any kind of high ground.

The trials need to be historically extensive or no recovery will come.

Twenty five years after 9/11, it's time to stop making announcements about "increased security measures" in airports. For a sizeable portion of America, it's now always been this way!

they taped a shoebox with a hole in it to his ass so he can shit in it

Make a band bigger: Yelling Heads

The vandalism and desecration of the White House isn't just vanity and it's not trivial. It's caesarism, as in literally what Julius Caesar did to the symbolic architecture of civic republicanism. Our national iconography matters and allowing the disfiguring of it to persist is a substantive harm.

Wall to wall bangers. No skips.

Trains are awesome.

The Great Make-A-Wish Presidency continues unabated

The only artist in the "The" section of a record shop should be "The The" otherwise it creates an alphabetical clusterfuck.

James Burrows 1940-2026 RIP

Out on a run and came across a couple having a break up. The woman yelled that the guy cared more about “his YouTube videos” than her. Fully expected it to be some Andrew Tate shit until he sheepishly said “trains mean so much to me but you’ve never understood that”

I pledge my allegiance to this flag!

yeah man i'll circle back to you on that agenda item from yesterday's all hands in just a sec. our pedophile king just threatened to destroy a whole civilization

Can we get 10,000 RTs for this

Okay but what if Trump was personally criticizing you as an official act in his capacity as president?

On @pablo.show I talked about the limits of generative AI, and why the brainstorming process—which LLMs mostly eliminate, imo—is fundamental to doing *good* work.

No Kings includes Draft Kings

@vanhollen.senate.gov Remove Schumer.

I'll repeat my ask to Democratic Senators here: don't vote for the DHS funding bill, yes. AND ALSO do not vote for another single thing in the United States Senate until the invasion and occupation of Minnesota ends. Don't vote to name a post office, dedicate a road, or even a procedural motion

Make it viral.

Think I'm going to start a social media campaign arguing that Trump shouldn't be allowed to fire handguns during his Cabinet meetings and see where his reflexive spite takes us.

If elected president, I would immediately sign an executive order designating 21, 27, and 33 as prime numbers.

Selsun Blue is dandruff shampoo for perverts.

come get me, ronald reagan presidential foundation

"Ten Ragas To A Disco Beat" was released in 1982 and is fairly clear evidence of time travel having occurred or will occur.

They should give a Nobel Prize to whoever invented music.

Its so sad that if they run out of money they have to put the judges down like when a zoo closes

El Michels Affair's "24 Hour Sports" is the best new album I've heard in an amount of time.

Slightly diminish a band: Monolab

my main belief on both people is that if sydney sweeney and caitlin clark went on a date it would start the second american civil war

I think the president just plainly stating that he's firing the person who produces economic data because he doesn't like the numbers officially pushes us into a new era where you just can't believe government data anymore.

I would rather die than create an account to continue

Nobody jaywalks in Chicago and it's fucking weird.

I got permission to share this, and I'm extremely grateful for that. The Onion got this letter from one of our subscribers in Alaska. She works with dementia patients and decided to leave a copy in the car for each one. This email made my year. Read it and you'll see what I mean. People are good.

Movie you've watched more than 6 times (no SW, ST, LOTR).

crashing the economy and starting a war in the Middle East Donald Trump has finally become a conventional Republican after all

Tim is so funny

I know what Bo don't know.