Brian, the Rude Mechanical

New status unlocked: too depressed to get drunk.

This must hit so hard if you’re incredibly stupid.

He's the first to be the worst ever president. Twice.

Anyone wanna take bets on the ceasefire officially breaking down right about the time the stock market closes tomorrow?

We weren’t joking when we said they elected a madman because of pronouns.

The American president has lost his mind.

“brutality and cruelty are secret weapons with no tradeoffs that no one but us has had the balls to use” is a foundational belief-system element in the right-wing mass public; unfortunately, we have replacement-level members of the right-wing mass public as president and SecDef right now

The biggest story in the world right now is that the president of the United States is a demented old man who takes pleasure in torturing and killing people and is committing crimes with impunity. And yet most legacy media outlets are too cowardly to tell it like it is.

I think about this a lot.

You can really tell America is winning this war when the president panic posts “open the fuckin’ strait, you crazy bastards” at 5 am on Easter Sunday along with an extension on their deadline

Unless the US Government is backstopping the Time Value of Money portion of, you know, not having a ship while a new one gets built, and other liabilities associated with employee loss or externalities, this is functionally useless

He’s been processing the hat for like 10 minutes now.

Iran just reportedly hit an Oracle data center in Dubai and i can't stop thinking about how good it would feel to see my tax dollars spent firing Tomahawk cruise missiles at data centers.

This motherfucker never met a stupid idea he didn't love:

Every woman willingly entering Trump's orbit: "I'm different. I'm not like those other women. I get Trump. I worship him. He doesn't hate women. He hates disloyalty. Those other women weren't willing to commit." Every woman exiting Trump's orbit: "Well... fuck. He actually hates women."

in trumps perfect world of impermanence every event he does not have any actual answer for this minute is two to three weeks away

i love that the right treats kid rock like a make a wish kid

waiting patiently for people food

It appears bluster, hubris, sputtering incompetence and white Christian jingoistic bloodlust aren't particularly useful for actual war. This is why you don't let B-team propagandist drunkies run the Pentagon.

Spending a decade trying to elbow out a place for our bisexual books in the romance community taught me one thing above everything else: we fucking hate women. Like just flat out hate female characters.

Are you fucking kidding me? USAID was too damn expensive, right?

The President of the United States is a liar.

So, who else thinks the world cup in the United States will be a bust, as well as the 250 anniversary of the nation? Discuss.

Last night I had a dream that I was involved in the grand opening of a restaurant chain that served only deep fried pig scrotum with dipping sauce. So...free business idea, I guess.

Yez, theez manny hours after eatng a wasb and i am still fine ,i truly am invincibol

Never in my life have I believed Iran state media over our own government. Until now. That’s not being “unpatriotic,” it’s having a brain that functions.

It's just struck me that in a situation where the US government and the Iran government have made contradictory statements, as they have today, I'm now inclined to think the Iranians are telling the truth than the Americans. This is Not Good.

The economy is on the verge of a catastrophic collapse and the president is colluding with his family and friends to rig the stock market on a near-daily basis in order to pad their wallets.

the president lying about high level peace talks taking place with the country were at war with, all to juice the stock market, is a gigantic scandal but also its just kinda another monday

A president that admits to hating 2/3 of his constituents and threatens“war” against the people he was elected to serve has violated his oath of office. Totally unfit to serve.

new personal scandal just dropped and it’s just the fact that I Have A Birthday

I don't think the Democrats should make a deal with someone you can't trust to honor any deal.

Father-in-law watching anything on TV without being racist as fuck challenge: impossible.

can't argue....

Oh. So they want Obama’s nuclear deal minus Obama’s signature. Got it.

"If we can just get back to where things were the day before the war started then it will have been a success."

Needless to say, the “total decimation of Iran” would be neither a legal nor a moral war aim in an authorized war, let alone an unauthorized one.

If you are admiring or praising Tucker Carlson, then own it. It is no more excusable from someone on the left than on the right. Either way, you are admiring or praising Tucker Carlson.