mactheknight.bsky.social

Is Pete Hegseth's Bold Pledge To 'Kill Everyone' By 2028 An Unrealistic Pipe Dream?

Entitled Child Expects To Eat Lunch Every Day https://theonion.com/entitled-child-expects-to-eat-lunch-every-day/

If you’re wondering what the vibe is going into the midterms the New England fall fair I went to today had a crochet guillotine for sale.

Have you watched InfoWars HQ yet? https://bit.ly/4ztNEo9

broken life simulator: corporate life @devlemons.bsky.social made a masterpiece of terrifying comedy over with the @realinfowars.bsky.social folks. @theonion.com and @timheidecker.bsky.social are knocking this out of the fucking park. youtu.be/Yt-iRyLi7sw?...

Staying informed is one of the most important things you can do.

American Medical Association: ‘Huge Biceps Are Only Thing That Matters’ https://theonion.com/american-medical-association-huge-biceps-are-only-thing-that-matters/

Glamour Of Lamborghini Negated By Indiana Plates

Share if you agree

True story.

The apocalypse is one of the few times it’s fine to be a cannibal, but sadly it’s also when people probably taste the worst

Me filling my car in GTAVI and I turn to an npc and say, via voice chat AI transcription, “what are those clowns in Liberty City Congress doing, 5.87 a gallon?” The npc turns to me and says “have you used your DraftKings Presents Maximum Fun Tokens yet? I hear the casino downtown takes them.”

Democratic Socialism: Myth Vs. Fact https://theonion.com/democratic-socialism-myth-vs-fact/

Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/

Sometimes you just need to say, "Help is on the way, dear."

Hello local business, your AI ads are costing you customers: aftermath.site/ai-poster-ad-f...

me watching dredd (2012) the first time: this is awesome me watching dredd (2012) the second time: this is awesome me watching dredd (2012) the third time: this is awesome

That's what taxes are, man. That's the definition of taxes. "You are subsidizing things you might never use" man shut the fuck up. My taxes currently subsidize like oil company exec private jets, you think I'm upset at low-income people eating inexpensive bananas?

i’m never gonna be able to fire a cruise missile yet the question of using my tax dollars for them has never been up for debate

It's Little Tiny Ass Dick Month. If you celebrate, you probably got a stupid ass nasty little dick. Go fuck your self

What if someone told you there's MORE than one horse? Have you ever considered that?

‘That’s All I’m Saying,’ Repeats Man Who Keeps Saying More Stuff

I'll straight up listen to elevator music in a house and house music in an elevator. I really don't give a shit anymore.

DID YOU KNOW IF YOU FIND A HORSESHOE CRAB THATS BEEN TAGGED BY THE FISH AND WILDLIFE SERVICE AND SUBMIT THE LOCATION YOU SAW IT USING THE FORM ON FWS DOT GOV SLASH CRABTAG THEY SEND YOU A BEAUTIFUL CRAB PIN

Obsession review: 5/5 scary and funny. Its hard for a horror movie to stick the landing but I think they nailed it.

The three genders (nonbuynary)

You bet I sent that! 🏳️‍🌈

If I was a reporter, and had to go to a trump thing, the first thing I would ask when he finished talking would be: "hey man, what the fuck are you talking about?"

if you dont know hexadecimal i feel bad for you son i got 9D9 problems thats 2521

Do people mad about the odyssey casting know about bible characters being cast as vegetables

Ok this is driving me insane. I’m looking for a hip hop song — released between 1996-1999. Downtempo. The chorus is a horn sample and the phrase “who you with boy” over and over

costco ascension 0: 1h46m clear / achievements: *starter glizzy: applied hot dog buff before taking cart *cheap drunk: 2+ bottles of vodka at checkout costco ascension 14: 26m clear / achievements: *kirkland kaution: didn't add any new products to cart *small sample size: declined all snack buffs

Got a notification from a medieval copyright lawyer

Never getting lost in the woods with a man again. He just kept yelling at me about something he kept calling cum piss 🤨 #Drake #manvsbear #lostinthewoods #lost

Surely they've suffered enough?

Man Directs Full Force Of Anecdote Toward Single Person After Rest Of Group Moves On To Different Topic https://theonion.com/man-directs-full-force-of-anecdote-toward-single-person-1826391190/

wandering the Sonora desert in a carefree fashion like

damn right!

The Epstein Cover-Up Goes All The Way To The Almost Top. theonion.info.