Dr. Dinnertime

LOST

A homily for the real pimps

Me, sobbingly, to my cats every morning at 5 am

FACT: you should be sappier with your friends and loved ones. there is no reason not to be.

"Thank you for watching Star Wars, a major motion picture, of which I, Luke Skywalker, am the main character."

I go through all this effort to tune my feed towards goofy little jokes, only to be reminded every 2 years that funny people can still be dumb as rocks

Timeless... Elegant... Discreet...

it's not actually an honor to end up on the cover of Viziers Monthly. it shows your machinations aren't subtle enough

if you're somehow still alive, and you're seeing this, please - pokemon go to the escape pods

It is fun to occasionally wade out of one's depth, but personally, I find it's better to leave the biting condescension behind.

I'm the business starter, twisted business starter

i’m so sick of how stupid everything is

rt if you've been niche internet micro influenced by me ever

I enjoyed The Odyssey (2026) but I have one historical nitpick. The phrase “Jiminy Christmas” is a minced oath for “Jesus Christ”. As the story is set around 1200 B.C. it is unlikely that Odysseus would have said the phrase even once, let alone the dozens of times he says it in the film

I haven't related to media in this fashion since I was in my 20s, and I think of that as a measure of personal growth. Plenty of shit I don't like, but I'm not letting a movie ruin my day.

Diarrhea Nation

Ye have lost thy pass-word? Ye oath-sworn secret by father and father-upon? And remember not ye his Mother's Mother's name? And in what shallow midden, what rotten hollow did thy Mother's womb spit thee forth?

In conditions of epistemic uncertainty, it’s fair to use your bad character against you. it’s not perfect but that’s life

*meredith brooks voice* im a mitch im mcconnell i help trump comma donald ive a turtle for a head im probably really dead

Ladies is pimps too.

dick's nice and all but clean your room you nasty bitch!

I’m gonna be real with you all, I think that anyone who thinks America’s a shithole that isn’t worth saving isn’t worth listening to. The idea of a purifying revolution-to-come is a fantasy, a terminating piece of cope that keeps you from believing it’s worth putting in the work now.

Men are coming up to me with tears in their eyes, and they're saying "Sir, my top-siders, they're gathering dust. There's nowhere to wear them anymore. The leather is dry and cracked. We can't even tie the laces anymore or they'll break!" Don't worry. We're going to be looking at that.

bosnia AND herzegovina? In this economy??

if I ever get my shit together it's over for you bitches. you, seriously, are one new filing system, productivity app, a decluttering assistant, a good vacation and three clear months from it being over for you, bitches.

my policy priority is revenge