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🤣🤣🤣🤣

Or maybe on a nice farm in upstate New York

For a couple of minutes, I actually thought this was real and I thought I was losing my mind because I couldn't imagine saying that to my kids. Please don't anyone tell me it's real because I honestly think my head would explode. 🙃🫨

Thoroughly enjoying this. Thank you so so much!

Love! But I always have to fact check because the difference between the Onion and reality is so blurred

But not in a better place.

My wish is for The Onion to be the main source of unbelievable news again.

Huntsville AL... probably need to include a quote from the parents telling their daughter that they'd vote for the man again who "killed" their money.

I made this joke a day ago about my kids college fund... *checks living room for microphones*

Yes, our family has a huge backyard garden due to our uncertainty over produce availability and availability. My dad did this during the Depression and through WWII until the late 60's, and now it's my turn for different reasons.

Tune in and listen live. @jessicadenson07.bsky.social 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 #Livestream #Democracy #StrongerTogether #UnapologeticallyProDemocracy www.youtube.com/live/J8MBrXs...

its in hell and the devil is using it to roast pseudo christians with

No biggie, Harper can rely on Alabama to lower the age to work to 12 and remove requirements to attend school after 12 as long as she can read simple words and count. Then in two more years she can get a min wage job working in a meat packing facility.

🤌🤣 That's like Russian Miedvedev said in Crimea in 2014 - There is no money, but you hold on. 🫠 Musk will say soon to his investors the same...

🤒 It's impossible to explain that you have no money gently... 🙀 But look, they try...

Huntsville gang rise up!

*is

🤣

Steps to a real DEMOCRACY Exposure + Motivation + Coalition building + Revolution Exposure: Tariffs - WTF www.keithalanhamilton.com?p=10821 tap/click image to read

“Sorry honey, you know Spot the puppy we just got you, we had to rename him “dinner””

Sweetie! Your wedding fund is a cabin in tropical paradise now. 😁

Please fix your typo. It is hard to laugh when you leave out key words.

Or that it is running free on a big beautiful farm upstate.

Love The Onion

Thoughts and prayers

🤣🤣🤣

You can still visit it, but don't make direct eye contact.

This made me chuckle 🤭

Thanks to the 🍊 🤡

You must a verb there.

"Benjamin had to go live on a farm where he can run and play with others like Andrew Jackson and Alexander Hamilton."

The GOP send their "thoughts and prayers."

If it's for tRump for when he gets there ... maybe rethink that one.

Oh, I see their plans.

Why don't you just tell them the 🍊👿 TOOK IT ALL?

We know Trump won't ever be going there to take our money.

😥 RIP

Trump stole you money

Joel Osteen is freaking out!!

N O P E

I would have told her the devil stole their money. Balanced truth is better for her than just 1 side. That bad people do bad things to good people. That theirs bad things happen, but that hood will win out in the end. It will be tough for a while, but they will survive. Teach truth to our kids.

My money is at an upstate farm, running free. Or that's what Fox News told me.

DAMN!!!

Yeah. I’ve been watching my retirement funds go over the rainbow bridge.

Maybe the parents should try to gently explain why they named her Friday.

Money is one thing the other she has to go fruit pickering later

😭

Democracy is headed there too

Your money is looking down on you.

Omg. I needed this. 🤣

😥😥😥

THIS IS A COMEDIC MASTERPIECE CONCEPT

He’s going to have to draw extra space onto the DOW JONES with that sharpie of his at this rate.

Banger

and mommy and daddy lost their jobs. so we are gonna be selling you on ebay this week.

Golden

Good to see some Rocket City rep in The Onion today. 🫡

🤣💀🤣💀🤣

I told my kid that his college money went to live on a farm where we can't go visit it.

It’s funny because it’s true.

"Our money went to live on a farm upstate"

"Stacey: your college fund has gone to a farm in China. It'll be happier there. It has room to run around and be free."

'It's in a better place. It's not suffering any more.'

📌

bsky.app/profile/theo...

Yes, it went with Daddy's job and Mommy's Medicare coverage.

Thoughts and prayers.

Thanks trump voters!! Now when I kill you later in a civil war it feels better for my spiritual.

😆

You money has been sent to a farm upstate.

No kidding

better to laugh than cry I guess...

Not heaven, in evil oligarchs pockets

Me to my children: A long time ago the Onion actually used to be satire. Then the world got too ridiculous.

Money gone to Heaven

Is

😂

"Their money in heaven" What language is this?

Sorry kid, Jesus needed to pay off some gambling debts

I’m so fucking angry I spent my time here on bsky yestttday instead of buying fucking puts. I knew it was coming why didn’t I buy them 😭

Alabama residents have been doing this for generations

😂

I know this is supposed to be a humorous response to what's happening, but it's too close to the truth. I'm sure some seniors and those close to retirement have actually experienced the total loss of their nest eggs.

I want to go to there

My youth knows exactly who to blame for their invested money going down. And they are rightfully pissed. Important lessons.

My money is with Uncle Sam if I like it or not...

😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Luckily, she lives in FL and can start working in slaughterhouses at 14, including overnights and overtime, without the overtime, even on school nights

Their child lost it when she was told she wasn't getting a Nintendo Switch 2

On point.

My 401(k) went to live on a nice farm...

Did Joel Osteen get a kick out of this?

😂

🤣

Love it, but it’s true

LOL 😂 So True 🤦‍♀️

No, you cannot have a set of Russian nesting dolls

Soon the Silicon Valley bros are going to be trying to shorten their lives instead of extending them with teen blood transfusions because even they won't have enough money to live to 100.

He's the anti-Midas. Everything he touches turns to shit.

😂😂😂

This is funny but on a serious note, I had a talk with my kid this morning when I was taking her to school explaining how we’re going to have to be much more careful with our money and there is going to be less shopping and she’s going to have to accept it. She asked for how long. I told her 🤷‍♂️.

Technically they should say that the money is in the cloud, in someone's computer...

It's weird because we had to have a closed casket ceremony because none of us could even find money's body

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

For those of us who had extended unemployment during the last financial disaster, this is more like a painful memory than actually funny.

Daddy cries because you drink...

Usually. But this is more like tRump's definition of "sarcasm" You know, just another word he doesn't understand or no how to use correctly.

Maybe the only reliable news source right now.

I feel like they took a childhood photo of a young @katmabu.bsky.social...

More like hell, but OK

مبروك عليكم Congratulations 😁😂😂😂

'M̶o̶n̶e̶y̶' 'Future'