cptjspaulding.bsky.social

Spider-Man: Sometimes I regret being bitten by a radioactive spider and being given all these amazing powers. It's so much responsibility. Dung Beetle-Man (doing a handstand and rolling a giant ball of turds with his feet): Shut the fuck up, Spider-Man.

I feel it is my patriotic duty to use my modest platform to share this rather excellent paragraph from Mr @roberthutton.co.uk:

Tumble weed across legacy media about ITV's exposé of Reform. Can you imagine the hysteria if an SNP councillor advocated for concentration camps or a Muslim Labour candidate said he wants to shoot MPs he considers traitors? The Mail front pages, Telegraph thinkpieces, and somber Today interviews?

#Incroyable book restoration

#WackyRacists

If Putin stops fighting, the war ends. If Zelensky stops fighting then his country will be occupied, leaders murdered, language banned, businesses stolen, children kidnapped. That's what happens in Russian-occupied Ukraine.

The Prince Charles Cinema Secures its Future The Prince Charles Cinema is thrilled to announce that we have signed a new 25-year lease with no break clause, ensuring our projectors will keep rolling for years to come. #YouSavedthePCC

He's with the Angles now

More of this please

in an alternate universe where storefront space remained cheap and wealthy people were taxed at a sane rate this man is a moderately successful trading card game store manager and outside the handful of shop regulars he subjects to his petty tyrannies he's leaving everyone else well enough alone

I

My online girlfriend was so shocked by the Ukraine drone strike on the Russian data centre that she's been too upset to message me all day.

Hey folks. In total honesty my tour is NOT selling well. I’ve sold 30 tickets in a 400 seater in Birmingham, and not much more elsewhere. If you like musical comedy, if you like standup, then please come see my show! And spread the word! The Rachel Parris Songbook tour starts in Nov! Link in bio! 🎶

🚨🚨🚨 ELLIE & NATASIA S2 ON THE IPLAYER ON WEDNESDAY 21st OCTOBER🚨🚨🚨

Hell. Of. A. Speech.

He’s a complete Runt.

Resident Evil (2026)

Amazing. Pakistan is the country you choose for this? How do you think there came to be a Pakistan?

Or you could spend the morning attacking your own toes with a claw hammer:

As middle age sets in for many people and joints start to show the signs of activity, Chiropractors are finally seeing the harm caused by slamming your body down and winding it all around.

I can hear the screeching U-turn that happened during the naming of this business

According to Suella Braverman not one of these ENGLAND players are English. FUCK HER 🖕🖕🏾🖕🏿🖕🏽🖕🏼

We've all been there.

Hey guys! I'm Burke, he's Hare, and before we get into today's unboxing video, we just wanna talk a little about today's sponsor, Surfshark

Exit, pursued by a fucking bear

Danny Tommo, Amodei, Man City fair play Piddington, Macklemore, Dolly ain’t alive no more Netanyahu’s iron dome, Meg and Harry coming home New cat, Clavicular COVID CONSCIOUS LESBIAN BAR 🎶 we didn’t start the fire 🎶

Apparently a lot of the big social media sites are refusing to run paid ads for the upcoming Musk documentary by Alex Gibney, it’d be a shame if people started reposting the trailer youtu.be/eY_8SyndC10

My five year old has the soul of Orson Welles. We were outside school and he 'put a kiss in my pocket for later.' Extremely touched by this, I gave him two back. He dug out the second one, THEATRICALLY CRUSHED IT IN HIS FIST and said 'one is enough.'

Nothing has made me fear AI-powered extinction more than Nick Clegg saying not to worry about it

The most useful social activism a pop star could do at the moment would be someone like Dua Lipa putting out a track called "I'm not fucking anyone with pervert glasses"

Thought I’d share this little exchange with a ‘fan’ to brighten your morning:

Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.

Brad and I are celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary today, September 14, 2026, in New York City. Brad and I were married on Sept 14, 2008, at the Democracy Forum of the Japanese American National Museum in Los Angeles.

Just seen about 10 or 15 Protesters ?, dressed all in black wearing face masks in a little huddle outside of Morden station in London, considering we’re a long way from any ports, I wonder what their “legitimate concerns” are supposed to be?

Finch fans - I’m performing a work-in-progress show at the Soho Theatre in November. Live music with readings. sohotheatre.com/events/matth...

Tuesday’s @thetimes.com cartoon times.newsprints.co.uk/morten-morla...

🎯 Excellent work by @ellabaron.bsky.social

I want the Prime Minister to look into a TV camera and say the RNLI are heroes, that we do not change policy by street violence in this country, and that he expects any criminal action to face the full force of the law. That's it. That's all he has to do.

A real test now of the media's appetite for Cambridge professors and their ethics.

I forgot to mention at the time that this poll was commissioned by Reform and paid for illegally with foreign money. Silly me.

1. Rick Steves has spent $2 million of his own money to rescue a single-screen theater in Edmonds, WA. This is part of a multi-million-dollar effort he has made to invest in community properties in order to preserve local institutions and keep them serving the communities they were built for.

Delighted that the Reform expose came out WHILE we were recording tomorrow's News Quiz. I'm going to look like an absolute plum saying what an honest man I think Nigel Farage is.