John Patrick

I disavow the sisterhood of the traveling pants

Are people who don’t listen to modern pop country better than people who do listen to modern pop country? Yes, obviously.

there’s an important lesson in Abdul El-Sayed’s win and Francesca Hong’s loss, and that is that in politics it’s good to be cool and bad to be weird.

By far the funniest moment in Homer’s Odyssey is when Circe says, “Shall we have sex?” and Odysseus says, “You just turned all my men into pigs. You have the GALL to think I would sleep with you? Of course I will. Absolutely. But don’t do any weird spells”

This thread has revealed that the biggest divide in our society is between the normal people who like sunlight in the evening and the sick freaks who want it to be dark at 5pm so they can get up to god knows what nefarious activities

this video from the bbc about texas bbq is frying me

[turning on a world cup match] oh wow, cape verde, i wonder where that is [55 minutes later] if cape verde wins it will be the greatest day of my life

ok, all in for Mexico now

The music of Seinfeld, divorced from the show itself, is nothing short of disgusting. Imagine if the show didn’t exist but the music somehow did. Hearing it, your face would twist in angry revulsion

When Einstein developed general relativity the closest thing to a practical application that could even be imagined at the time was a slightly more precise description of where to look for the planet Mercury in the sky, and yet now we’d all be literally lost without it. Anyway: fund basic research.

I guess boycotting Harry Potter feels pretty trivial to me, because I'm an adult. if someone told me I shouldn't eat Gerber's baby food, I'd be like, that is no problem. I'm way ahead of you

Frank Herbert's Dune

i feel like if somebody clapped their hands hard enough in the same room as this fish faced surgery freak the vibrations from the sound would make her skeleton come out of her mouth

They’ll be hearing from his father

For Liam.

insanely good thing to say when you enter a room

Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life https://theonion.com/man-who-thought-fleetwood-macs-the-chain-was-over-in-for-thrill-of-his-fucking-life/

When I encounter myself as a different colored cursor because I have the Google Doc open in two tabs

no amount of state propaganda will ever convince me this man is my enemy

Whoever named ‘walkie talkies’ should get to name more stuff

as a bird artist, in honor of tonight’s game i have attempted to draw the gorgeous blue jay as accurately as possible. as always please let me know if you have any constructive criticism

Hon hon hon joyeaux ween de hallo

Amazon is helping fund a $300 million build of a ballroom for the White House. Independent bookstores are donating to food banks and organizations that help with food insecurity. They are not the same.

Sweet sweet music to my ears

OK: 1. There Will Be Blood 2. Phantom Thread 3. One Battle after Another 4. The Master 5. Boogie Nights 6. Magnolia 7. Licorice Pizza 8. Punch-drunk Love 9. Inherent Vice Haven’t seen Hard 8

Wow, the University of Washington's Psych 201 class does *not* play go fuckin Huskies Nazi UW students fuck off

One Battle After Another and Sinners both lay out a formula for cinema success: diverse movies where white nationalists get duffed in the most graphic way possible shot and presented in increasingly baroque high resolution formats.

congrats to your grandma in heaven on finally being able to fulfill her fantasy of being eiffel towered by paul newman and robert redford

Millennials are the only generation between lead paint and the cursed computer

no matter your politics it’s disrespectful to joke about someone’s death. don’t say charlie kirk died from a grand piano falling on his head and his mouth turned into piano keys and then a flower pot fell on his dick and it honked like a bike horn. don’t say stuff like that

bragging about being a giant pussy is integral to the conservative mindset

As end-of-empire scenarios go it is so much more dignified to get your capital city sacked by the Visigoths than to have a bunch of illiterate rich people in their 70s doing it through a series of incomprehensible tantrums because their brains were defeated by their phones.

Holy shit. This guy saved a PNG to a bird. (he drew a bird into a spectrogram, played that sound to a starling, and the starling reproduced it back to him with enough accuracy he got his bird drawing back in their call's spectrogram) www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCQC...

when they close it all up, I do believe this will go down as the funniest video on the internet

How I roll thru