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So, she wants to go back to the Middle Ages. Linen small clothes. No sunscreen or sun glasses. Organic products. No cell phones on the balls. Gotcha. She’s probably pro-disease, too. I’m sure the leprosy will be fine.

Men, if your girlfriend is trying to slather you in beef tallow, assume she intends to fry you and run.

Just came here to say that all the rest I can handle, but you can remove my phone from my balls over my dead body. I cannot wait until link rot decouples this skeet from any coherent comedic meaning and all that’s left is for digital archaeologists to be like wtf?

The steak and burgers thing would be great in theory, but, 100%, she overcooks and under-seasons them.

Beef tallow?

The scariest thing on this list doesn’t jump out at first: “natural remedies only.”

And as a gay man, avoid any man who reeks of beef tallow.

I want her to slather up her man in beef tallow then go for a hike in a national park. Just for fun.

Meanwhile they also resent the shit out of being expected to be the sole breadwinner (“what do you bring to the table?” etc.) They want to have their cake and eat it.

She forgot testicle tanning.

Serving of e.coli and saturated fat

what's with the phone-touching-balls thing?

RFK? RFK? Bobby, is that you?!?

If guys are touching their phones to their testicles, there's a whole WORLD of problems going on that frankly, I'm never going to think about, much less look up.

Just to screw with this my phone and balls are now covered in toothpaste.

Didn't know RFK Jr. had an alt account

Burgers are good for your health?

I like my men blind, with skin cancer, no teeth, smelly, and smelling like rancid beef tallow and dead by 45.

Oh for fuck's sake. That's a hard no right there.

Why would his phone ever be touching his balls? I mean….

C'mon who doesn't let his phone touch his balls?

For better or worse Microplastics are in everything. So good luck 😂

Men are teabagging their phones? Say it taint so!!!

Beef tallow? To throw him directly onto the grill?

Why are people's phones touching their balls

Any particular reason she wants men to get skin cancer and eye damage?

I may save this to use as a response to every wellness grifters I see.

Oh there was a 3rd party tool for this on twitter until elmo ruined it. You could block everyone who liked a particular tweet.

No to sunglasses, but yes to blue light blockers. Got it.

lubing up my balls with beef tallow before rubbing my phone on it what's the benefit of this, exactly?

He needs a nanny. Or an assisted living facility.

When my pockets are full I always carry my phone in my polyester underwear.

This is exactly why you never have sex on a first date. You really need to get to know the other person first.

What's he up to these days? Other than collecting Infinity Stones.

Just market it right -- "it has what teeth crave"

Kinda just looks like cooky ad-copy to me. Trust no one who uses weird Unicode fonts.

I'm REALLY curious about why my phone can't touch my balls? I mean, it isn't like that's a regular occurrence, but still. There shouldn't be a need to put that on ANY list.

It’s all bad but replace my lotion with beef tallow?

Mr Vicario forgot to include the following in her list. Seems only prudent. www.amazon.com/Generic-Shie...

I’m out of luck I guess because my phone is always touching my balls

Keep that shit off Bluesky. If we wanted to see the Twitter manosphere’s garbage takes we’d still be there.

OK who are the weirdos touching their phones to their balls? Anyway, wonder what OP's thoughts are on this nugget brought to us by Tucker Carlson...

Admitting to the true Gay agenda! ;-)

That or a eunuch.

I have a question about the Microplastics eradication... www.theguardian.com/environment/...

"No microplastics" *gestures broadly at everything *

Also funny how quickly avoiding seed oils became synonymous with basically a neo nazi

She is evidently a JFK Jr fan.

Well, not my phone.

😂😂😂😂

I haven't, but now I'm curious. 🤔

Ignore her, this is a worthy basis of a relationship.

At least he's getting electrolytes. It's what plants crave.

No sunscreen but replace my lotion with beef tallow? Is she trying to baste me?

I hope she enjoys her stinky, cancerous man with crumbling teeth. More hotties for me

Soon as I saw seed oils I just switched off. Lunatics being lunatics

My phone can't touch my balls?! DEAL BREAKER

Never let his phone what his what now?

You dissing RFK Jr?

Wait, no sunglasses, but get blue blockers, I... Sure Jan, every man wants to be day blind and smell like beef stew, that's sexy

That account is almost certainly run by a man

Why did all the woo people turn against vegetables?

It's time for "Red Flag Guy"...

How the average man would smell if he was using beef tallow for lotion, christ

I mean, why not?

She hates sunglasses because they prevent cataracts and sight tends to be a major factor in her not being able to get a man.

She should add: Be prepared to clean the liquid poo splashes off the toilet after you give him that magnesium.

There's a lot of things going on here but what I really want to know is how many men are regularly touching their balls with their phones

what we need, and it's obvious the powers that be have no interest in deploying it, is a general de-platforming of stupid ideas. Of those at odds with science and decency. Just drive these people to whatever sewers they find. But a good platform would punt them.

Sounds like she's trying to kill him.

I'm so cool with being single you don't even know Especially in comparison to whatever this is.

I believe women like this are why God created bars...

Medieval linens only! It goes with the beef tallow and no sunscreen, I guess.

Need more public health messaging on that tbh. Ringworm and athlete's foot suck.

Why am I seeing tweets on the skyline?

What's wrong with seed oils?

Yes, it’s all grifting. But more I was trying to ask what is the aim for what the dude is supposed to be. But it’s probably easier to grift by leaving that underdetermined.

Nailed it. The grift never stops.

Why would my phone be touching my balls

My husband is a grown ass man. If he wants to rub beef tallow and his cell phone on his balls, the choice and any consequences are his. I'm here for the show.

Wait...is this why I'm single? I prefer sunscreen, sunglasses, and don't keep phones off my man's balls? Who knew?

Ummm, can we talk about this highlighted suggestion? I’ve had a cell phone since 1999 … roughly 25 yrs … and I have never placed my cell phone on, near or close to my balls! Maybe, I’m in the minority here, but why would any guy place his phone on his bare balls? What’s the point to adding this?

Ladies, if your man doesn’t have clogged pores from tallow, he isn’t a real man.

But it's still okay for someone *else's* phone to touch his balls, right?

My wife *insists* that I touch my balls with my phone twenty minutes a day, and our marriage is the better for it.

Sunglasses.

Sounds like the hypothetical boyfriend has entered a ring of hell.

Someone should post this on X and see how the alpha males reply

No sunscreen or sunglasses and eat burgers? Sounds like she’s trying to kill the guy.

I haven't heard the no sunscreen and no sunglasses before. What's up with that. And no, #notallstraightwomen sign on to this nonsense. 😉

True what was i thinking lol

Cotton underwear only? Thats ludicrous. It doesn't breathe! We're guaranteed summers over 100 degrees for the rest of our lives here in downstate Illinois. 100% cotton only? More people should make lists like this so I know who to avoid at all costs, at all times.

She’s gonna pitch your dingy baseball cap and your porn collection when you’re out, too.

The only one of these that's halfway sensible is to take magnesium: deficiency really messed up my sleep and anxiety disorder. Nothing against cotton underwear either.

Dammit, I was just about to chow down on a tasty bag of microplastics.

She is preparing to cook and eat her boyfriend

If I were single, I suppose I might welcome if my rivals were wrinkled, toothless men with foul body odor.

I think she hates her man and wants him to die being chased by a pack of hungry, rabid wild dogs while outdoors getting skin cancer!

If she found a way to protect people from micro plastics, she should really tell somebody!

I mean, I don’t care if they’re as handsome as you are; said dude is gonna have to resolve the beef tallow, BO, halitosis, and them cotton BVDs first…

Well if they are of Northern European descent, with the whole no sunscreen thing they can look forward to dying early from skin cancer so there’s that….

I'm sorry, Never let his phone touch his balls?

Have to create a Xitter burner to follow this account if it turns out to be a, I'll even say clever, microblogging influencer bait and switch adaptation of "To Serve Man." The feeding to make him bigger, and the tallow conditioning of his body...it's the preamble to a cook book. Trad cannibals.

At first, I thought the post was satire. It isn't. But it's hilarious. She thinks birth control is poison and every woman that goes off birth control feels better. When I went off the BC pill, I had: nausea, fatigue, brain fog, etc... I was pregnant. Now that I'm older, I just bathe in beef tallow.

(in a much sadder voice) Oh, honey, i forgot to ask, is tea even allowed for me?

“The grit is what makes it healthful, dearest. Don’t forget your beef tallow!”

coat him in beef tallow, leave him out in the sun, sprinkle with a little bit of pink himalayan sea salt and some organic truffle shavings, maybe a bit of home-grown rosemary … but who needs a man when you can have a potato?