Path (seasonal)🎉

i love the smell of lead solder fumes. there's no joke here, just figured it might help explain some things.

Costco often changes the floor plan to keep the animals engaged as they search for their next free food samples.

Making eye contact with a chicken nugget smothered in ranch dressing as I slowly lean in for the kiss cam.

"you can't just go doing these things all willy nilly" I will willy however many nillys I damn well please

One day you’re young and wild. Next thing you know you’re using “sexy” to describe food instead of people.

fuck off but take me with you

On a scale of one to ten, what the hell is going on?

okay the invalid handle people seem to be cooler than the rest of us and quite frankly makes me question my validity

Relationship status: I feel like I’m supposed to be meeting somebody in Montauk, but not quite sure why

this skeet will not reach any commercial success, but will be available for streaming immediately

Get in loser, we’re getting Benihana power lunch.

Careful, that’s my load bearing delusion

My skeets are funnier if you have something wrong with you

me: do you suppose it feels better for the sock when you put it on or when you take it off? my pharmacist: I meant do you have any questions about this prescription?

captcha grid of chodes and outie bellybuttons

*pronounces debt with a hard b*

sorry I’m late I was making silly faces at myself in the mirror and lost track of time

If I put on a mood ring right now, it would level the city

october is difficult because the pfps all change

when i grow up i want to stop spilling things on my clothes

i just don't believe jefferson starship got proper permits or hired reputable inspectors for any of that construction. i wouldn't go in those buildings, personally.

Disappointed to learn no one in that movie actually fights a street.

is that a corn dog in your pocket or are you just another fool without an emergency corn dog

it wasn't a typo. i caught eels for you. when can I drop them off?

(punts liberty biberty to the moon, hands back super powers)

i cant believe you're body shaming butter

he calls my vagina the backrooms but you'd have to go in there yourself to ask him why

the shadows are for mischief & dark rituals. also, eating a secret pot roast

getting "high"??? maybe you should try getting "hi", as in saying "hi" and "hello" to the people on your neighborhood!

I love that thing you do when you let me be myself and you like it

our ancestors built all of this with amazon delivery, four loko, and vapes in mind

when prodigy said breathe the pressure come play my game i'll test ya psychosomatic addict insane i felt that.

having astigmatism and driving at night feels a lot like being at an edm show

Them: what’s the best thing about your job? Me: definitely the pay Them: you get paid a lot? Me: nope

I wish I knew how to say things.

i bet the hat man switches to something a little more casual like a deerstalker or a newsboy cap when he's making love

put on these headphones let’s play ‘do they lack rhythm or are they math rock?’

(forgetting the word thirsty) I’m horny for some water.