human skeleton

People used to get online famous by saying like, “Uhh yeah, I love making my HOT BEAN JUICE every single morning!!!” But now you have to say like, the Monopoly Man fucked my ass

with all of my heart i hate this rat motherfucker

Worm meeting.

The repulsive hooting chuds of this great nation, of whom I am the lone advocate by the way,

Did you know: the CEO of CostCo said that if anyone ever raised the price of the hot dog combo, he’d eradicate mankind from the earth with brilliant fire and salt the ashes so nothing could ever grow again, then remain, undying, to prevent new life from arising. It’s been $1.50 ever since!

“Oh Yeah”

I don't want to hear any whining about fixing certs from the information security types today. you chose to join the techno-priest caste, now shut up and perform the rites of exorcism

reading about cubes

Etc 2

treasures of Halloween

Wife's out of town, you know what that means [puts on an Andrew WK album and starts doing karate]

crab Rangoon

got sunburnt playing pokemon go in the local cemetery 😔

surfs up dudes,🌊🏄‍♂️ its a tropical October 🏝️🎃

"theres only one man that can stop that dolphin" "but sir, he is broken and shattered against the wheel of 1960s america" "i dont care. send a chopper to his derelict mansion. its time for one last swim"

My dead husband came back as a skeleton — but I'd already remarried a better-looking skeleton!

if i were a republican, idk if i'd want to be breaking the seal on 'televised firing squads', what with the way the polls look lately

augh

bad news, gang- I’ve been torn apart by an angry mob! here’s what this experience has taught me about small business solutions (1/x)

This isn’t AI. My cousin Braycen was torn apart by Havana syndrome which is why he’s in his coffin in “chunks”. The ugly “boy” in the (real) photo isn’t his son; it’s a full grown small intruder man who ran off with the head & ate it behind the funeral home. RT to salute 🫡 🇺🇸

Maybe I’m doing too many cryptic crosswords but has anyone else noticed that THE SOCIAL RECKONING contains, in order, THE SORKIN

"Can you believe they can 3D print meat now?" Oh U mean like women do when they give birth..? #showerthought #feminism #MaleFeministsWhoShower

throwing treats at you really hard

bury me with my figurines

Copilot, make people come to my pizzeria. Thank you Copilot

RC Cola is called such because it STILL contains Real Cocaine,

beast mode. movie mindset. beast mode. movie mindset. beast mode. movie m

#TheMask

KEEP HONKING but consider this... what if I am asleep, and you are part of my dream? If you wake me with your honks, what then would become of you? - Philip K. Dick, "Brain Days at the Honkatorium"

(Seeing a can of soda on the floor) Drinking a can of soda and watching Evil Dead is a peak cinematic experience.

now available in Sulfrous Orange

Kind of feel like getting into bed and vanishing like old sick Yoda

My Machine is a machine that turns HUMAN FINGERS into Gold!

I hate when I run into the Life Taker and he says some shit like 'Let us gamble in the biggest way'

mitochondria is the trauma-house of the cell

why are people acting like it's a crime for elizabeth holmes to have beautiful huge open eyes. You all sound jealous

ME: team rocket will never steal these rare Pokémon! Not unless they wanna take on me and my fully evolved Miss Cigarettes! MISS CIGARETTES: miss cigarettes

There’s a grinch in the matrix

beautiful women named cvs pharmacy keep texting me

if you are a gay icon STAY INSIDE!!! it’s DANGEROUS OUT HERE!!!!!

it's wild to have watched brexit, thinking "surely no country could possibly own goal itself harder than this" only to watch america, with our typical brash oneupsmanship, show them just how badly one can fuck up their own life

Yes! Ha Ha Ha… Yes!