Christopher Brecht

[smiling as I add carrots, celery, and onions to my soup] ah, the holy trinity [a cloud crosses my face when I drop a bay leaf into the pot] …and the sin eater

if i take a walk in my little walkable neighborhood to buy fresh flowers and crunchy nectarines and my serenity is punctured by the sound of your tesla flipping in the air, i will blow up your car with a rocket launcher

would someone mind dumping a gallon of apple juice on whatever rack this thing lives on

AUTHORS: REJECT AI. NO DEAL. SOA: So what I'm hearing is that you want us to say more about our AI deal.

An Open Letter To The People Writing Lengthy Posts About 'Why I'm Going Back to Twitter' dansinker.com/posts/2026-1...

I wrote something for people about CULTS: people.com/maureen-john...

ME: i’m so sick and tired of being set upon by the baron’s hounds HER: Maybe stop hopping the fence into his estate? ME: sympathy not solutions plz HER: I’m so sorry, that sounds very painful. I know you’re trying really hard to get The Baron’s priceless egg. ME: it should be *my* egg :(

@tkingfisher.com don't worry about the haters who haven't even read your book ♥️

This whole thread makes me feel like my scalp is on fire. I feel like some of us have been shouting the bolded part here for years and they just tweeted it out (in court).

I got a Matilda for my Muñoz Funko Pop

never forget except for donald trump, he can forget

Imagine the self restraint to wait two and a half decades to tell this story for the first time.

American workers are taking home their smallest share of the nation's wealth since 1947 — even as corporate profits soar. Why? This chart has the answer.

Yet another way AI is ruining the internet: online shopping

It's important to learn from your mistakes and then just repeat them over and over because there's a good idea under there somewhere you just have to find it.

No professional accomplishment has ever made me happier than this. theonion.com/translator-o...

My favorite way to put this, as someone who studied Classical History in actual college (not just on Twitter): If you told an ancient Roman or Athenian that his culture had "more in common" with a German or Briton than with an Egyptian or Ethiopian, he'd punch you in the throat.

jesus one of those temu rockettes almost got pancaked

Checking in on MAHA day at the American State Fair. Managed to get pretty close to the stage

TMZ DC with perhaps the most brutal video from Trump's Great American State Fair, showing Dr. Oz on stage bragging to Dean Cain about how big the crowd is, only for the reporter to pan around and show absolutely nobody is there. Original post: x.com/i/status/207...

Every Fox News live shot today from Trump's post-rapture-like fair on the National Mall has been hilarious. Here's a supercut:

you know what makes me angrier than anything these days? buzzfeed listicles. i can't stand buzzfeed listicles

Their new girlfriend is women

i genuinely believe people who came to america no matter illegally or not, being antagonized by half the country with threat of ICE and deportation, deserve to be here far more than people who just happened to be born in america

truly, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart: fuck ai

Today marks Nakba Day, an annual day of remembrance to commemorate the expulsion of more than 700,000 Palestinians between 1947 and 1949 during the creation of the State of Israel and the year that followed.   Inea is a New Yorker and a Nakba survivor. She shared her story with us.

Happy anniversary of this not happening

had to grab that randy and julio dugout celly

SCHLAPP: Who wants to see impeachment hearings? CPAC CROWD: *cheers* SCHLAPP: No. That was the wrong answer.

@netflix.com yo, fix your washed out camera shot in the opening day broadcast.

When even the opposing broadcaster can't keep the excitement out of their voice, that's a baseball that's been destroyed. "That was PRODIGIOUS" good job Cole Young

UH, NO WE MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT, SIR.

“I don’t care if the prices rise—heck, I prefer them that way,” said Kaitlyn Leonardi, who crossed her arms in defiance as she lauded gasoline as “a great product” that had been “too cheap for too long.”

Could a depressed country make this? www.usatoday.com/story/money/...

This guy gets it.

one of the most frustrating things about there being “no jobs” is that we all walk around and see the work that needs to be done. our cities are crumbling, our people need help, our world is dying. there’s so much work to be done, if only it were good for the balance sheet

Found an additional graphic that gets even more of these quotes together. I've kept "I hate myself, I hate clover, and I hate bees" pinned above my desk since I first started studying evolutionary biology as an undergraduate. So relatable to get extremely frustrated with your study system.

discord betrayed you? lol, I wouldn’t know, I’ve been self-hosting an open source voip server for the past fifteen years. it’s super low-latency and has much better chat tools than whatever your precious “nitro subscription” gets you. and as soon as I make even one friend,

apologies matter. remember, they are victims of a coordinated scam and slowly but surely they're waking up.

Mariners announce the Sunday alternates will be Steelheads jerseys this season….unveiling with Josh Naylor

O’Hara has an incredibly strong claim to the title of “funniest person to ever live” IMO.

I wrote this song on Saturday, recorded it yesterday and released it to you today in response to the state terror being visited on the city of Minneapolis. It’s dedicated to the people of Minneapolis, our innocent immigrant neighbors and in memory of Alex Pretti and Renee Good. Stay free