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Yukio Mishima reborn!

Man, everyone who claims to know their past lives has some cool story. Nobody ever says they were just a peasant who drank some bad water a died from diarrhea, which is far more likely.

I feel bad sometimes for people...

By the time she's 40 she's gonna regret being in the spotlight in her 20s and 30s. That is, if humanity still exists in 20 years...

One of the joys being a celebrity must be coming up with wacky shit to say.

Millie Bobby Brown (who?) is tripping balls.

@whoweekly.bsky.social

When it is said that a person should hold on to their Childhood, I don't think this is what is intended. 🤣 I'm sure living a life completely detached from reality can have its benefits, I'm not sure this is one

So you're highlighting the fact shes vulnerable to social engineering.... We'll then... Good to know.

Good for her honestly. Not any of my business though

Had to check 4 times that this was EW and not The Onion.

I like to believe I was killed by a naked woman avalanche in a prior existence 😂

I thought this was the Onion

Waht.

Notice that all past lives are heroic. Why aren't any past lives those of a peasant or a prostitute? Past lives are a fantasy.

Who is this odd person and why are you publishing her fantasies?

I was a middle manager named Jim who died peacefully in his sleep. Statistically that's more likely.

Good for her. Completely harmless belief that creates nothing but a conversation.

Bet she’s fun on a date 😳

…neat?

"Yes, I am very interested in pursuing new film projects, since you ask."

Sure. Why not. I believe her.

Am I supposed to know who this person is?

That’s so weird cause I was a closeted trans soldier who was slain with sword to the dick in a past life.

Intruders stopped filming years ago

Child actors always wind up fucked six ways from Sunday

So nobody else saw that insta reel? Lol

I've never seen a 22 year old who looks so 48

Fillers are a helluva drug

the specificity makes me believe it. (also, be so fucking for real yall, it's entirely possible that this was just a what if for her)

This tracks. A whistleblower code-named “Beezus” had a lot to say about Ms. Cleary’s affronts.

i think i was a grotesque human sized mouse and it was a regular motorcycle. harley davidson.

Biker Mice from Mars!

this you?

Can you please get me an aspirin?

I mean look, I’m Pagan and I generally believe in reincarnation, but like this is wild.

Gotta be tough to go through your crystal woo-woo phase out in public. Unless you’re Gwyneth Paltrow

Reading the "article" it reveals she came to this conclusion because she has a birthmark on her back. The world is a madhouse on fire already so... sure. Why not?

Big mood

@timheidecker.bsky.social this is infowars inspiration

I also have back pain

Actually she is wrong.

So, when do we see this on HBO Max?

Oh, this is the smug zone of people who despise whimsy in these very very serious times, uh?

uh huh

We have to find the reincarnation of her past-life's murderer and stab them in the spine with a sword. See how they like it.

big deal so was i

gotta find out if she’s got mermaid trauma

you think this makes reincarnation sound more respectable?

Our batshitologist ranks this around a 5.2 on the Kesha scale.

what a piece of shit that movie is

Now I want to watch the "Honest Trailer" again.

Oddly specific.

I mean, hey, if this is how we get allies...!

I believe her

If I was a celeb I too would enjoy making up silly shit to say to annoying gossip rag journos

I was Joan of Arc in my former life.

Is she writing fan fic about ... herself?

Weird headline to steal from @theonion.com

Well, we can at least rule out the Sacred Band of Thebes in the slaying.

Why is this news? Like, who cares?

Don’t forget infant mortality. Or the noble paramecium!

....in the upsidedown????

"and i believe that i was a closeted gay soldier who was slain with a sword to the spine... teach him well and he will lead the way"

Me too, what a coincidence

Same

It's official. Tarot cards need to be banned before someone hurts themselves.

Aerith? Is that you?

"they would put swords up people's spines so they were completely paralyzed, but they would obviously kind of die" tactical knowledge checks out

Makes a change from when everybody thought they used to be either Napoleon or Cleopatra.

I’m pretty sure I was thieving smelly wench that party with the gents then they caught me robbing them of their coins & D”blooms and was blamed for a syphilis outbreak so the rack it was.

What a bunch of crap.

Weren’t we all.

There can be only one.

That's her prerogative.

“Actor has odd ideas” is not breaking news.

I mean, who among us wasn't, amirite?

Same.

This is rrrrl good woo woo actress shit. I love it

I cannot express how little this means. To me and to everyone who receives this news. To those tempted to say "You must care about it to react to it", let me respond "What reaction should I have? What reaction should anyone have beyond 'Why did I waste five seconds of my life reading this?'"

Is she trying to pitch a Rose of Versailles movie?

Can journalists please treat this kind of thing with the contempt it deserves? It doesn't matter what she thinks might be true. What matters is what can be shown to be true.

Closeted Gay Soldier Who Was Slain with a Sword to the Spine in a Past Life is my favorite Pearl Jam song. Vitalogy was such an underrated album.

In a past life, David Harbour was the guy who slayed her, right?

I had to triple check to make sure this wasn't a "The Onion" headline.

Who hasn't been?

You got your money Millie, get some therapy. Leave the rest of us alone. 😂

Not satire?? Lol.

how much Robitussin did it take to achieve this train of thought

Quit trying to push more duffer backed content

Time for rehab

We all were Jan.

ok

Didn’t ask, don’t tell.

Everyone thinks they were Cleopatra in a past life. No one ever just settles for being the reincarnation of a peasant shovelling animal dung on a farm.

This is so dumb but also me too

That's... Oddly refreshing

Same, except I wasn’t closeted

I'll say it... WTF, girl????

Typa bs you’d see on bluesky when you first make an account (same in Twitter)

Is everything a headline? “Leo could’ve shared the raft, Millie Bobby Brown announces”

i can confirm this is true. i was there and saw it. did not intervene as i knew the soldier would go on to reincarnate as millie bobby brown and i'm a misogynist

Did her nose start bleeding right after she said this?

Is being stupid a requirement to be a celeb?

Listen, my disgust with entitled rich people is tapped out with Taylor. MBB is gonna have to take a number.

you should literally not publish shit like this