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Microsoft outlook : for when you want that christopher Nolan feel to your email conversations

I tend to think Acrobat is to PDFs the same as Democracy is to Government - the worst solution apart from all the others. Though I suspect I may feel differently if self-employed. (About Acrobat, at least).

Outlook: No, really, to make a PDF you have to pretend you want to print this email🤫

“Fuck Off AI. Because. Microsoft.”

This one doesn't need a slogan: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malicio...

This looks like a long series. Can I summarise it for you?

@jonnelledge.bsky.social "Norton Anti. Virus! Yes, the placement of punctuation matters."

Microsoft Word: "screw you you left aligning shit bag! - I'm going to do my own thing!"

Outlook Classic "please open the other one" New outlook "you needed to open the other one, didn't you?"

Not quite on the subject, but funny enough (I hope): back in the day, I was a mainframe operator and we ran a weekly payroll program that used to dump and put forth the following helpful message ' Some sort of error concerning disk.' nb usually at 2 am, when the programmers had to be woken up.

Microsoft 365: no not this set of settings, the other one… no the other other one.

Photoshop: thanks for becoming an unpaid beta tester.

Quicken: What if I HELPED make EVERYTHING take longer?

Adobe, “If you bought access to our Creative Suite I could help you tell other people to fuck themselves very stylishly”

Set it up, only for its default settings to be 18+ making is absolutely useless. And because it’s a free app their support doesn’t give two flying shits about it, and I can’t get them to make the damn thing work.

Alas, it turns out that the microsoft paperclip was merely the harbringer of something much much worse...we should have stopped him then ,its too late now.

Thank you!

Also you can open and edit PDFs with Firefox, so you can ditch Adobe entirely for many tasks.

It's so annoying. No, i don't, it's a reference document I want a specific detail. It's in my recent documents list so you know I'm already familiar with it, why would I need a summary? Very dumb "feature".

You need to buy Adobe pro with full editing function to allow it to go fuck itself.

Let's default to 93% when we print! Every single fucking time!

Windows: Let me open that in Edge for you.

"Microsoft Windows : you're gonna need a bigger computer"

Bravo

This deserves more love

SharePoint: I may well have some useful stuff on here - but you never gonna find it ha hah ha ha!

On all software updates... "We've improved it, so you can't use it."

Gmail: I can't find it (although apparently we 'do' search)

On my first machine, in the MS-DOS days, I had a little program that was solely designed to spin the disk drive in such a way that it sounded like your computer was draining water. It was roughly as useful as Adobe Acrobat for opening PDFs. (It could not open any files.)

Also Android: Enjoying using your device just the way it is? Well, forget all that - here's an update which changes everything for no good reason!

Yeah you don't get a choice but most just go in the Downloads folder. Most file managers have a direct link to it.

I literally get this! My phone goes on Do Not Disturb at 8pm. The only thing that's allowed are calls from a few specific numbers. I regularly get a notification noise between 8pm & 9pm, but if I look at my phone THERE'S NOTHING THERE!!! 🤬🤬🤬

… and then it turns out that ‘go fuck yourself’ is hidden in an undocumented submenu three levels down, and is greyed out by default. You need a special licence to enable it.

youtube.com/shorts/zLoGG...

Regularly removes vital functions with the deftness of a blind surgeon on crack, until you can't even open a bloody document, let alone edit. Also, embeds like Japanese knotweed.

The Ryanair app — “whadya mean you want to buy an aeroplane ticket?? Here’s a great deal on a timeshare”

Microsoft— “Why yes obviously our products are shite. Pay up suckers!”

If that doesn’t work see if maybe there’s a text replacement weirdness under General > Keyboards > Text Replacement. Have engaged in many “wtf iOS?” group chats with friends, family, and near strangers and have never heard of that one!

This is what happens when you make a joke on the internet

J.E: “adobe go fuck your self” Adobe: [flips out an uno reverso card and a 4 foot length of 2x4] “we politely refuse”

accept and then tell her to go fuck herself

[Kill Bill sirens commence]

Accept it, you coward! 😂

Ahahahahaha ha amazing

Even in old times it was known that it is dangerous to call the devil by his name.

Work made me switch from paid for Adobe Acrobat Premium (or whatever it's called) to a much cheaper Nuance PDF Converter product. Hated it to start but as it hasn't changed in about 5 years I now I embrace it's non-changing clunkyness and it doesn't try to make me summarize things with AI.

The most annoying yet necessary piece of software since RealPlayer

Ah, fair enough.

Uninstall it and use something else?

Maybe but more fool them then

And so expensive for something that just feels like it should be free

Word you intolerable cunt. I hate you with the fire of 1000 suns.

WhatsApp: don’t ask what’s at the end of our end to end encryption.

Siri: Selective Listening

In that case I think 'ProTools can EAT MY SHIT AND TOENAIL CLIPPINGS' feels about right

“Adobe Illustrator: Let’s make your computer wheeze like an old traction engine”

Adobe Acrobat: Still Somehow Not Worse Than Microsoft's Own PDF Support

For when you want to take a classic UI that's been boring but stable for years and make just enough changes that it makes you doubt your grip on reality: Switch to New Outlook: "Stroke simulator 2020"

Oh, yes, Reach 😱

Outlook: I haven't got time to look for that email just now, so do you want me to look everywhere else on your computer instead?

Excel: Cut-and-pas.... no I can't fit that there oops it's gone... what's a clipboard?

Most google store apps tbh.