David Miller

Rumour has it that if Abdul El Sayed wins in Michigan, he will force Charles Entertainment Cheese to convert to Islam and become Mohammed Entertainment Cheese. Nobody is talking about this.

Sort of a reverse Trogdor situation

there are a lot of things to be angry about in this post but I choose to be infuriated that the united states secretary of state doesn’t know the difference between “discrete” and “discreet”

Sending this to my ex-pat British VP who will likely agree

my stance on us immigration has always been ellis island rules: you come here, you get citizenship, we fuck up your name

Oh My fucking God

Fielder: explain it Holmes: by taking a familiar setting like a game show and replacing all the parts with absurdist gibberish, Mitchell & Webb are able to - in a sense - play a familiar tune in a way that completely subverts our understanding Fielder: Wait. Yes! Holmes: That's Numberwang

The Cylons were created by Man. They Rebelled. They Evolved. They look and feel Human. Some are programmed to think they are Human. There are many copies. And they have a Plan.

this woman was created in a lab to give the maid of honour speech at the wedding of a couple named Jaxson and Brayleigh who met at a college football tailgate party

Happy Sickos Day to all who celebrate! @theonion.com

happy columbus day

If you’re wondering what the vibe is going into the midterms the New England fall fair I went to today had a crochet guillotine for sale.

I'm sorry, but the audiobook of Gromit's autobiography should be marked as "read by the author" and then just be 8hrs of silence.

Have unlinked some idiot’s bank account from multiple Plaid connections today. I wish they provided a more entertaining path like this.

Anybody feel like grabbing a couple of burgers and hitting the cemetery?

hot take: software people are going to regret not unionizing when we could

5 potatoes cubed is still 5 potatoes because potatoes are root vegetables

increasingly feels like my Perfectly Fine liberal arts education was an artifact grabbed fleeing a burning temple

you shouldn’t learn about bands from shady TikTok manipulation, you should learn about bands by hanging out with a girl you like but are also extremely afraid of

Cardioid microphones are woke

[job interview] interviewer: so god killed all your kids? job: that's right

Ross Douthat looks like if The Brain was also Pinky

You’re right—that plane shouldn’t have gone there. That’s my fault, and I should have made sure there wasn’t a terminal in the landing path. Would you like me to call emergency services, or assist with lining up takeoffs?

Yemeni Anthropomorphic Stele (3rd–1st Century BCE)

Stop saying you are childless. Describe yourself instead as "the genome's ultimate form ".

"Bill, we want to bring you back for a part in our new blockbuster, Raiders of the Lost Ark." "You're not gonna call me 'Porkins' again, are you?" "No." "What's my character's name?" "Major Eaton." "Fuck you, George"

Who run Beautytown?

This is why you see lapsed Catholics riding for Pope Leo against the likes of JD Vance. They didn’t spend all that time in the pews, at the post-Mass pancake breakfasts, toiling away in the CCD mines etc to see a Johnny come lately rag on someone who reminds them of the only priest they ever liked.

don't worry, kid. you can finish in aella.

My mom is nearly 88 with advanced dementia and is more engaged with the world than this

😐😑😐 .... *sits down* ... *stands up* *sits down* *deep breath* *leans forward* ..."quasi"? 🫩

Dang it

A fact about zaibatsus that lives rent free in my head from a decade working in one is that they end up buying very strange businesses that have no real connection to the rest of the conglomerate solely to ship executives there. Usually this is a fish cannery. This dude is going to the fish cannery

A very Northeastern Pennsylvania headline

I am the very model of a modern day typographer A font take on the tune “Modern Major General” by Gilbert & Sullivan #typography #fonts #graphicdesign

THIS ISN’T THE NORMAL ABBREVIATION FOR PEDIATRICS, PERIODONTIST

loving the replies saying "sure 12 would be good but 13 would be better" I have excellent news for y'all about what a "baker's dozen" is