spidery rock (stupid)

Wish someone would release patches for my vulnerabilities

a lot of women owe me an apology

I once challenged a king to put half as much evil on each subsequent square of a chessboard

AirBnB host making me shave his wife’s back to complete checkout ?

Nathan Fielder Quietly Deletes Footage Of Theranos Machine Working Perfectly

this is about me and i'm not sorry! i don't have time to read about foreplay and where the g spot is or whatever. i'm sure spending hours and hours fucking your wife is a good ROI if you're unemployed but some of us have jobs also claude has a huge hog so that's another point in the AI column

doctor on TV: RSV stands for- me: Ranked Soice Voting doctor on TV: no. it means- me: Ranked Soice Voting doctor on TV: shut up. let me finish me: no. (turns tv off) doctor standing behind me: very good. you’ve passed the test. it does stand for Ranked Soice Voting. here is your medical degree

Still patiently waiting to be "left behind" by AI rather than it chasing me across every damn space like a slasher in a low budget flick.

Mr. President.... China, they.... it's bad. They just announced Ultra Intelligence

19th century Ryan Grim: Based on the orderly nature of the stab wounds, “the ripper” is a highly inaccurate name. Its journalistic malpractice to not give “Jack” credit for minimizing suffering and killing painlessly 19th century Michael Tracey: I think these bitches alive 💯

AI has lost the Mandate of Heaven I’m afraid. WSJ saying it’s a “when” the ai bubble bursts. SNL dabbing on their biggest names for being weird. FT says 50% of chips sold in 2026 and 2027 have nowhere to go. Hundreds of billions short on revenue for even 10% ROIC. A disaster.

hi we're a website you have used for 20 years, we have no idea if you are over 18, send us a selfie. let us connect to your camera. can we get a booty pic with panties on and one without them on? can we also get 3 different pics of your boobs any position

All serious like I’m making an actual point: when are democrats gonna go back to lip service and pablum instead of making concrete promises

My enemies are amassing on the outskirts of town. Probably to apologise for their grievous misconduct

Literacy crisis: everyone is mad at Ed Sheeran, but if you actually read his statement he specifically said he’s not complicit

me: i think cell C12 is missing the formula for the rest of that column ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills

TLDR: injeção de grana do Vale do Incelício.

Rationalism rocks. Love any philosophy that tells me: 1) My actions are moral if I help a greater quantity of future people than the real ones I harm 2) There is an infinite quantity of future people 3) Thus, it's essential that I make as much money as possible by doing things I already want to do

you can destroy the world with a random number generator if you hook it up to the nukes, but you need a guy to do that. sans human interaction language models do nothing. they cannot think. they're not getting any closer to thought. they never will

*young me, developing a strong sense of justice* This is gonna be great, what an asset, this will never drive me insane

Read The Onion to a girl. Become a member at membership.theonion.com.

ten years ago the worst man you knew was binge watching something called "Archer"

If a baby hands you a toy telephone to answer, that's a sign of great respect in their culture.

The collective noun for a group of Blue Dog Democrats is a moron.

I have never seen Dan Hanan be correct about anything. Hes like an inverted Cassandra. He has the gift of foreshite. You could navigate the wilderness by asking Dan Hanan where to go and then walking in the other direction.

“spreadsheet people”

Infuriating watching fake news media call her Trump’s “diaper nurse.” She’s an accredited Diarrhea Doula.

Appearing puzzled that there are still bicycle helmet truthers in 2026 and then nodding in satisfaction when I remember that acting on said belief causes brain damage

Actually, one more - I feel like I should say this directly, so here goes. In the 90s and 00s, the groups I remember pursuing this strategy (hyperpublicize mugshots, Black crime statistics, etc) were Stormfront, the Klan, etc. Now it's the New York Times and the Telegraph. That is the story here.

A janitor made a grisly discovery today when from a locker flopped the cold body of TV funnyman Young Sheldon. "Well, I said 'bazinga' of course," but there was no laughter. "That's when I knew this wasn't funny." Sheldon, via press release, says he is "perfectly fine" and a "totally separate guy."

in the united states getting a woman to dress up as princess peach and step on you like you're grapes and she's making wine has been outlawed. with an exception for one night a year

"Vote Blue no matter who" mfs the moment a Democrat opposes genocide:

RIGHT: we're poisoning society to death so it can be replaced with one that exists only to enable our violent fantasies LEFT: we must strengthen society by expanding social services and expelling those who seek to kill it CENTER: so... the right gets what? nothing?? come on. let em kill it a little