Post

Buy something or get out. Better yet: buy something and then get out.

"The shrine is on the other side of the river," or something like that, and people streaming it would be yelling "I know! I'm the dragon god's kid, lady, I don't need to go there until the fourth quest!" or "I went there and got the quest token already! Can it!"

Oh I'd be one of those "Did you know?" NPCs with maybe like 20 something tidbits of random information, maybe about the game and the world or maybe just random trivia! Definitely enough to waste a bunch of the players time

I am not discussing my day with you.

Want some rye? 'Course you do.

"G'morning! Nice day for fishing, aint it?"

I haven't tried it, and now I won't. Thanks for the warning.

Very specific but definitely actionable, PCs will appreciate that.

good. more mayonnaise for me!

Mayonnaise also has no place on sushi. Australia take note.

Don't forget to hold down the reset button and press the power button when saving your game.

“That’s not food, put that down.”

Solve my riddle to unlock the artifact.

“You should take a step back and enjoy your surroundings and the loveliness of nature! You never know what you might miss if you’re always rushing!”

I heard the IDF has been training police officers in the United States via the Georgia International Law Enforcement Exchange at Georgia State University. I wonder if that's related to the Stop Cop City movement?

“Eventually you’re gonna realize that the greatest treasure is just a cold beer and plate of tacos.”

"Yer chasin' an evil tree ghost to prevent the end o' the world? Quit yankin' my chain!"

What Ho?!

Are you a NPC ?

"Oh, that? Eh, that went out of fashion."

"You don't mean that, do you? Tell me what's really on your mind."

"You're shorter than I imagined"

(realistically, based on my most common statement at work, it would be "okay, now what was I working on again?")

Have you visited our local sex worker collective, which has a healer on staff & the best beds in town? (This post brought to you by the realization that the laugh the Gerudo masseuse gives in Zelda TOTK is identical to that of the "fade-to-black-laugh-during-sex" of AC: Odyssey and Hades.....)

Close enough for a tree

I don't care what I'd say, but I'd be an NPC in a Star Ocean game, in a weird spot with a totally innocuous bit of filler dialogue that for some reason sets a flag that is either needed to advance the plot, or completely changes what characters you can recruit. Or both

Drink plenty of water , you don’t want to get dehydrated.

“Well, it probably is true.” No context.

Avast! Hey! I said "Avast!"

They say the caves to the north are haunted!

"I've seen better."

"It's dangerous to go alone. Take this!"

"none of this is real."

"Could I get a box?"

"Adventurer, eh? Back in the day we called folks like you 'murder hobos.' Then one murdered a bunch of us for it, so we don't say that anymore."

Rest when you can, and listen to Snoop D*** and Chih*y* from "Im*s"!

"cheeseburger?"

The only possible answer is “PAM PARAAAAAM”. Sorry I don’t make the rules.

"Praise the Superb Owl!"

I hope your family is safe and well.

It was a dream! We live inside a dream!

"You don't have to be perfect. You just have to suck less."

“Please get out of my house.”

Nothing, I'd be the skeleton the player finds in the sewer in a goofy pose

[just stares. Judgingly]

"I'm not much of a talker while I'm on the job."

"There must be more to life than this."

"A once-wise man said, 'it's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate, it takes strength to be gentle and kind'. I wonder what became of him."

"Greetings, traveler. Do you know where I could find some Ketamine?"

"Yes. *That*!"

Didactically speaking, seminal evidence seems to explicate the fact that your repudiation of entropy supports my theory of space-time synthesis. Of this, I am irrefutably confident.

"Brackwater Village will never forget you." (This isn't Brackwater Village.)

STAY AWHILE AND LISTEN

It is what it is.

"The Key To Happiness is Garlic - Stay safe bruh"

You can use your Phone to manage your items and track ongoing tasks. The power of technology is amazing!

"...and remember: don't bring nothing to a something-fight."

I have a shovel and a map to a pig farm.

How dare you

It would depend on the game, but it would make a technical distinction that everyone else considers pedantic minutiae but is actually necessary to understand what's going on. No, really.

"This reminds me of something I read somewhere."

"You mark my words... They'll pay for this."

I'm glad it's not just me.

Sorry, I'm late to work

"Work sucks, can't wait to go home and do some writing"

I have no mouth, and I must scream.

"Welcome to Zombo com"

PLUR, traveler. What's bangin'?

I would be an NPC inside a building wearing an elastomeric respirator that said "the mask stays on"

What are you doing back here again? Too cheap pay to remove the level cap, huh.

Bush did 9/11

Be excellent to each other!

Something about how the local lord simply hasn’t been the same since his wife died tragically and also that there’s weird noises coming from the castle at night

You can speak to villagers like me by pressing the “A button.”

What kind of village are you from? (Don’t answer that)

Welcome to my trailer. You seem weary after your journey. What would you like, friendly traveller? A. 🍸 B. 💨 🍖

Dogs are great!

“Help, I’m trapped in an NPC dialogue writing factory!”

Hail, adventurer. Working hard, or hardly working? HA HAAAA

Get the hell out of my house!

"'Name? Job? Health?' Sorry, don't forget 'Grass, ass, or cash', baby, I don't talk to strangers for free. Come back with a few more wolf pelts."

"Bewaaaare."

You may already have won!

A Wilhelm Scream, while staring at the player flatly. No explanation given.

How do you say Appalachia? It's pronounced "Apple-At-Cha," not "App-a-lay-sha," at least in my neck of the woods. The easy way to remember is this: if you say it wrong, I'll throw an apple at'cha!

My buns are fresh and hot.

"Cor blimey guv'nor, you ain't 'alf a right ol' sight for sore eyes, an' no mistake!" - à la Dick Van Dyke from Mary Poppins

Inside voice, please.

Have you been in an accident that wasn’t your fault?

"Just one more hour and I can leave my shift."